HELLO! Let's be friends.

The Red Tree

2010-07-17T12:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the day begins with nothing to look forward to
and things go from bad to worse
darkness overcomes you
Nobody understands
the world is a deaf machine
without sense or reason
Sometimes you wait Wait wait wait wait wait and wait
But nothing ever happens
then all your troubles come at once
wonderful things are passing you by
Terrible fates are inevitable
Sometimes you just don’t know what you are supposed to do
or Who you are meant to be
or where you are
and the day seems to end the way it began
But suddenly there it is right in front of you
Bright and vivid
Quietly waiting
just as you imagined it would be.

Visa application ordeal

2010-04-16T21:00:00.001+08:00

This whole visa application process had been such a huge, prolonged headache. From going to the embassy many times then deciding (very late) to outsource to a tourist agency to heated emotions and soured relationships that resulted, everything that could go wrong went wrong. And it hasn't yet ended cos (i) my application still hasn't been approved and (ii) if my grades for the finals suffer I won't be surprised cos this ordeal really has taken a toll on my mental and intellectual well-being. Rushing from embassy to agency to photo-taking (again with the hope that they won't recognize my face, hur) and troubling so many people in the process... Wah. Really indescribable.

To start off with, whichever organization works only 2 hours everyday? Even the French with their 4-day week probably clock more hours. And they take plenty of Fri-Mon long holidays, there was one during the Good Friday weekend and another during Labour Day weekend. And what's the point of having 5 hotlines listed on the website when none is answered, whatever day and time I call?

I don't understand why the policies are so inflexible. If multi-entry visas with 6 months validity are offered, what's the issue with requesting for an extension of the usual single-entry 60-day visa (to 70 days)? Anyway, so now I have with 2 options: (i) Apply for the 60-day then apply for an extension upon arrival at the local police station, (ii) Apply for double/multi entry, which entails taking leave in between to HK then returning to the mainland again. Which is absolutely silly since it's unnecessary, and would incur more costs. There's option (iii) too, which is to shorten the entire stay, which means... *breaths* eithershorterninternshiporshortertravelwithjess/katiewhichwouldbe
irresponsibleofmecosipromisedtobetheirtranslatorandtobewiththem
throughoutinthisalienland.buttoshorterninternshipwouldmeanno100%
experiencesothatsucks.andalsoivealreadybookedairticketssotobring
forwardmydeparturedatewouldmeanmorecosts.

Faced with alternatives and opportunity costs, Economics have never been so relevant in my life till now. Like having to forego revision, or even rest time, to rush somewhere, worry about something, figure out which option is best, everything visa related.

Okay I need to breathe and be still. Any more panicking and my nerves are really going to snap. The upside in this whole ordeal is that I got to know there are really some very very very very nice people in this world. I have lost count of the no. of times I've disturbed Amy and April asking them for umpteen favours and questions; and Jessie from the agency is really nice (though of course she has a professional obligation to be since I've paid for her service) that I felt bad for snapping at her over the phone when it's not her fault but I was much too agitated; and my 伟大的妈妈; and Pa too I guess, driving me around whenever he can. Haiz.

I could have better things than this to say - honestly SO MUCH more has happened in the past semester than just this - but right now I can just muster enough to rant.

Cannot panic

2010-03-15T08:37:00.000+08:00

Panic now and you will go downhill and nobody's going to tumble after
Hold the rope even if it burns and
Wait for a helicopter
S.O.S

Sigh.

2010-02-18T13:21:00.000+08:00

Acceptance package from Warwick has arrived in the mail. The addressee is not me.

I'm starting to think that, of all the emotions that exist in this world, my most disliked is Nostalgia. I've always thought it was Regret - hmm I can't decide. Maybe a combination of both.

Two years really just flew by, didn't it? Funny how, given the frequency (i.e. very frequent) at which I draw up this pseudo-revelatory rhetoric, each time the raw feelings of Nostalgia and Regret still form such a potent concoction - threatening to intoxicate.

SUPER DUPER DUPER SUPER

2010-02-12T16:30:00.002+08:00

BUSY !!!

OH. MY. GOSH

a thousand things

2010-02-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

It's funny how when there's finally time to sit down and rest and just be alone - that's when fatigue creeps upon you. Back there I felt like ISC could and should continue throughout the night. Well I guess I am kinda, tired. It's been so crazy around here, so much has been going on! And there's so much more to come!

So, Jess and I trooped down (NM2220 is getting to me, I'm beginning to word and reword every phrase AND yes I know "troop down" isn't the best word here, but, whatever) to Ghim Moh market this afternoon. I thought it'd be a different experience for her - to get a feel of a HDB estate, that's as much of a "suburb" as you can get here, right? It was a nice, warm (literally too, definitely) chat up, eating desserts and rojak - which Jess said she enjoyed, PHEW (I'm always wary of recommending food items/places to people, Singaporeans and non-Singaporeans alike, cos of my fairly unusual taste when it comes to food). And though we know we weren't supposed to be out (leaving behind the heapload of assignments), it was fun :)

I can't believe we're approaching the end of W5 already. It's too quick I haven't had time to reflect upon all that's happening. We all need to slow down and breathe :)

The last week was pretty miserable though. This weird bout of sickness came upon me and lasted for almost a week. It was pretty tormenting - I haven't felt so sick in ages. Am thankful that I'm all well and good now. I think prayer works wonders! Well with that I'm not saying we can all just go ahead and stuff ourselves with junk but, really. On Tues I just sounded a prayer request to several friends and, well, I was healed.

OH I got placed in BSF too! Ruth too :) It took, like, 4 days when we were mentally prepared for it to take more than 4 weeks. It's gonna be intensive though, like a 7th module (haha), but I'm excited. Why, looks like it's gonna be a rollercoaster ride ahead!

Amazing Love

2010-01-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

It's been an amazing night. Long in terms of hours, and I sure feel tired, but boy has it been encouraging, empowering, and very very insightful. Always at times like these where I feel so eager to share and express my feelings but at the same time, I hold back and worry that the fatigue would cause the words to come out not quite right.

I'm really thankful to have gone for ISC tonight. To be in the midst of so many working and willing hearts, and to know that I am within this midst of people eager to carry out this mission, it really felt wonderful. Granted, there are many things that could be improved on for future ISCs, and even perhaps the entire direction of IFG/ISM may call for some modifications, and as we struggle to find the best way to carry out His will, even as we can see that certain things may not be quite right... it's nevertheless extremely encouraging to see everyone come together in one spirit to reach out to our foreign friends.

Speaking from a first-timer's viewpoint, the sheer number of people who turned up today, CFers and international students alike, is already evident of the works of the spirit. And it was definitely insightful and humbling to hear from the veterans after. For one, I can really identify with what Limmy raised about whether there can be a limit to the number of people that we can sincerely and wholeheartedly keep in our hearts. This is almost precisely what I have been thinking to myself at the turn of the decade. These relationships that we forge we people - do we really just want to leave them as hi-bye relationships? Is there really so much to be preoccupied with that is more important, or should I say more worthwhile, then bringing these relationships with people into a deeper, hi-hi (borrowing Charlene's words, lol) level? Do we really want to be social butterflies all our lives? I know I don't. And I really don't buy the social network thing that CSO has been trying to bewitch our minds with, haha.

I had a really great night tonight. Am really thankful that despite all the obstacles last semester which resulted in me not attending a single session at all, I was still brought here today. As a witness and a vessel of His amazing hand. Thank You for not giving up on me! :)

In response to Neil Humphreys'

2010-01-24T10:15:00.001+08:00

Upon reading Humphreys “Turn a blind eye to the blind guy”, ST Jan 23, the first and immediate emotion that evoked was, embarrassment. Ashamed that I’m in this country devoid of a community of love, amongst people who lack a sense of compassion, ashamed to even be what they proudly call themselves – a Singaporean.

This is a country characterized by its hustle-bustle – be it to the office, the next of a series of lunchtime appointments, the next “Everything Must Go!” sale, or other pivotal activities that urbanites may engage in. This is a country of strivers – people endeavor to earn the big bucks and live it up. And all these are well and good, until people are so caught up with themselves that they forget there are other people in this world, until they are too busy to even bother assisting a desperate blind man out of this hustle-bustle. As Humphrey aptly puts, how peculiar indeed! This is an act that would come by as second-nature to people in some other countries (communities), but Singaporeans have comfortably dismissed it. Whether ignorance, or arrogance…well, both are perils.

More of such “peculiar quirks and foibles” lurk else when and elsewhere in Singapore. Recently, I ran into a cyclist who conveniently and intentionally dropped his unwanted plastic bag (previously containing a drink) onto the ground as he rode past me. He did it right under my eyes without the slightest sense of remorse.

For a country that boasts of one of the highest literacy rates in the world, surely these would fall under the codes of conduct already imbued in its people? Yet for all that head knowledge acquired, many well-educated Singaporeans (or so claimed) do not know empathy and compassion, the very fundamentals of a community. They remain unaware, and comfortably so, of the reality that is happening outside of the bubble they have encircled themselves in.

A transformation into “liveable and vibrant Singapore” is on the cards. This calls for a community effort, where Singaporeans work hand-in-hand. But how do we even begin to do it when the hostility is so stark? The closest thing to a “vibrant Singapore” that may be observed now, is probably the hustle-bustle that resonates as each day passes. It is laughable how Singapore have been compared against other developed, global cities when its sense of community isn’t very developed at all.

This entry is incomplete

2009-12-31T22:33:00.001+08:00

2009 is soon to be past. It's been a heck of a year - a roller-coaster like all others, probably with many more periods of turbulence and up/down fluctuations. And these will probably only increase in intensity from here. I'm excited.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Probably kept less than 50% of last year's, but I'd make more all the same.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes

5. What countries did you visit?
I'm quite proud of the list actually:)
Malaysia (Melaka, KL, JB), Thailand (Phuket), New York, New Jersey, Canada (Vancouver, Victoria), Seattle, Denmark (Copenhagen, Northern Zealand and beyond), Sweden (Malmo), Turkey (Canakkale, Pamukkale, Selcuk and Istanbul).

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Discipline in certain aspects - like writing.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
MANY I think

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Many many things! Like,
Getting over heartbreaks
Surviving Orientation Week

9. What was your biggest failure?
The year had its fair share of ups and downs, but Failure is too strong a word

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No I was pretty healthy all year :)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The netbook for Mommy

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Nobody?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Driving lessons and Traveling

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
DEFINITELY happier

ii. thinner or fatter?
DEFINITELY, A LOT FATTER

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer a little

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading and writing

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With many many people. The Christmas week was awesome and possibly the best/busiest Christmas in my life thus far.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I don't... think so

23. How many one night stands?
10000

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
I still don't watch TV, regretfully

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anybody

26. What was the best book you read?
The Bible

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

28. What did you want and get?
Time with friends and family
More free and alone time
More kgs
Good grades

29. What did you want and not get?
Advanced diving license
Driving license

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
(500) Days of Summer

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On the day itself: James/Gerald/Charlene sprung a mini-surprise, I had lunch with my family and I worked on my paper. I was/am 20.

32. Which one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Nothing - as of now I am thankful and contented with how the year played out :)

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

34. What kept you sane?
My friends from all over the place.
My friends, definitely.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

37. Who did you miss?
Many many people. Too many people to name.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I met many pretty awesome people, like from the overseas trips and several juniors.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Life is beautiful :)

2009-12-28T16:55:00.002+08:00

It was really the best and the worst Christmas in my life.

Because He Lives

2009-12-23T21:34:00.002+08:00

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

And then one day I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain.
And then as death gives way to victory,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future

2009-12-23T09:31:00.001+08:00

when glasses aren't rose tinted anymore,
sunflowers and tulips are no more,
when reality hits
and death is no longer an unlikely
awe.

Reality and its huge bombastic by-products that were previously not within reach now needs to be learnt and grappled with. Well, I'm learning.

Still I thought the sun was too bright for today.

感叹

2009-11-25T23:05:00.001+08:00

某晚搭巴士回家，TV mobile正播放王田裁主持的“消失地平线”，使我感触良多。赫哲族朴实无华的生活，与我们身处的都市群，真是强烈的对比。感叹周围的大家，忙于寻找所谓”快乐“的当儿，或许也”盲于“身边小小的事物，人物。那些近在眼前却容易被忽略的，快乐点滴。

朋友。

2009-11-18T18:14:00.000+08:00

I'm really thankful for my friends. Friends that don't judge, that care (and I care for them too!), that... don't expect anything more from the friendships. That after so long when we meet we can still talk about anything under the sun, joke with one another with no implications, reminisce about the good old days, and in bad times lean on one another and cry.

I love my friends :)

Yesterday we drove out to catch the Leonids Meteor Shower. Singapore is terrible for star gazing, much less meteor watching. But well managed to catch a few, and we wished upon almost everyone of them. Haha and now it seems meteor wishing does come true ;)

Blessing

2009-11-15T23:06:00.001+08:00

One of my greatest hopes in life is for all those around me to be happy.

Today I actually felt like I'm blessing those around me. Like why they always come to me to rant, to cry, to complain... Maybe it's because I offer a good listening ear? Or that I can empathize fairly well? Somehow today, I felt like that so many times over. I feel good about myself now.

I think I'm coming closer to realizing what I'm here for :)

Oh so queer!

2009-11-11T21:43:00.000+08:00

Boy has it been a (half-)week of quirky encounters.

First on Sunday after the NB Real Run, I decided to do something crazy. The scorching sun was too much to bear (don't get me wrong I love sunshine alright and I wanna soak it all up, but my face is freckled enough as it is) and the shuttle bus queue was really long, and walking out was impossible. So, I decided to hitch a ride. Oh also I wanted to prove my point to Elvis that hitch-hiking in Singapore is not impossible. And I got a ride! Awesome. Not all Singaporeans are, well the typical Singaporeans we have in mind.

Then today after lunch I headed off to study. Wanted to find a place in CBD - I've got this unofficial quest ongoing to uncover nice cafes/hideouts/studying spots all over Singapore - and I ran into a guy on a crazy wedding challenge (or so he claims). So I was made to watch and film a very crazy act, which, as I've learnt from NM1101E that online privacy is non-existent, I shall not spell out in this space. Curious, very curious, indeed. Haha my life almost queer enough to be like Lemony Snicket.

Ohwell. So anyway today's studying spot was Segafredo Zanetti Espresso. Cafe by day, lounge by evening. Come 630pm or so, they even have a DJ of sorts mixing music, disco lights and all, but in a cafe setting. Pretty cool, makes studying Put and Call Options almost bearable. Almost.

Hosanna

2009-10-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

I see the King of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes

I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
---

May we His people, rise up and step out, with arms wide open, to reach out to those in need. The recent wave of natural disasters have caused much turmoil in many parts of the world, we are so so much more blessed than we know. Let's all continue to pray for these people in their grief and hardship, and for those who have bravely stepped out to lend a hand towards recovery, and perhaps offer some assistance, from where we are, in ways that we can. Last but certainly not the least, may we also not forget to count our blessings and give thanks. Amen.

SSXX (School Sucks X X)

2009-10-20T15:35:00.000+08:00

Writer's fatigue. For the lack of a better clause, cos this one sounds too professional to be applied to me, an amateur and ever will be. Sigh, feels like I'm just stringing different words together when in fact they go over the same point umpteen times. This is beyond reiteration. It's called... lack of ideas.

Jason, Joel (and I) baked Ultimate Ginger Cookies yesterday. Feels like Christmas brought forward. (It's only 2 months away actually. YAY I can't wait). Anyway, our cookies looked gorgeous and tasted awesome. Wheee. Good cooks make the best neighbours. And the best boyfriends, IMO! It's rare to find guys who like and bother to cook nowadays, at least in Singapore.

Bishan JC

2009-10-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

Today, Gerard and I went back to Bishan JC. For fun. I am very random and like doing things at the spur of the moment (Richard Branson endorses this so perhaps I have a shot at being as successful as him in life... Haha, case in point!)

In the evenings most teachers had left. We chatted with Mr Leong abit, he's still his cheeky ole self. I've always admired Mr Leong and desired to live his anything goes, let-it-be life. Our atypical role model. Oh and ODAC25 (gosh aren't we old!) is going to Aussie for this year's eoy ex. 2 weeks of trekking, navigating, Mr Leong-style. Next year I am so gonna tag along - didn't know we actually could!

Ah Bishan JC the start and end point of my 2 years' rollercoaster ride. There are things to miss, certainly. Though many things are different now (no more big friendly giant, the vendors don uniforms, the stalls have names, and the newspaper articles are framed very "NUS Business School in the News"-ish, amongst other things), the sense of place still remains. They've put up a sports record roll (it really looks even more corporate than before now), and before leaving, I proudly pointed out that we made the most records in 2007. Then the instant reflex from both of us, "Not like I/you contributed to that it any way". Yeah, but I guess I said that because, somehow someway (though not in every way), I do identify and am proud to be, a Rafflesian :)

No such thing

2009-10-10T02:14:00.001+08:00

John Mayer

"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits
Maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers
And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

Today's gonna be a good day

2009-10-09T22:07:00.001+08:00

It was a good day. Here's Today in the life of Kelly.

Today, in the morning
Kelly had a huge Fuji apple for breakfast. Healthy satisfaction. Then she went swimming and got sunburnt! (Actually that's probably more because she walked a very considerable distance from home to Bayshore, under the exceptionally hot sun. Kelly does crazy things.)

Today, in the afternoon
Kelly was on board Doulos! Her eyes lit up at the array of books (spiritual and non-spiritual alike). Got a few in the end, though she really wanted to get her hands on everything. She wished there was time to go on the tour though. Perhaps she would have met Maryanne (the girl Kelly met at AH who said she's taking a semester off to work on Doulos!). Hopefully one day she can be on board as part of the crew. Another addition to her "Things before you die" list.

Then Kelly had to leave for Finance tutorial, which she was late for as usual. But she actually understood enough to even spot errors. That's rare.

Today, in the evening
Kelly met Ms. Pang and caught up over ice cream. Her belated Children's Day present. Kelly enjoys being childlike. So does Ms. Pang, she reckons. They went inside a Minitoons-ish shop and Ms. Pang went crazy (happily) at the sight of Totoro merchandise. From which she got a haversack and a pillow. And was happy. Yay - Kelly likes seeing her loved ones happy.

Today, in the night
Awaiting Kelly is the Macroeconomics text and her mom's homemade Focaccia. Lovely. Tonight's gonna be a good night!

Kelly loves simple good days like Today.
:)

Commitments

2009-10-03T21:16:00.000+08:00

I just slammed the door onto my finger. Yesterday I broke the huge bottle of mayo and chipped my thumb while clearing up. Ditzy is the word, haha.

Finished 2 mid-term exams today! Now it's time for the Nike presentation and copyright report. And after that it'd be time for research, a second round of presentations and paper deadlines. I'm not really complaining, actually. Consistency is good (I can't decide whether this is the honest truth or an act of self-comforting). Anyway, point is, it's time to work again.

Amidst much time spent catching up with those who matter over the past few weeks, I had also been giving much thought as to who and what I would like to give my time to over the months and years ahead. Wouldn't say I have any clearer idea on it, but we'll see how things go.

I'm glad I made it for church today. Jeff is a fantastic bible study facilitator. I'm looking forward to engaging and enjoyable bs sessions in time to come :) Amen! "For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He ponders all his paths" (Proverbs 5:21 NKJV)

Hello simpleton!

2009-09-30T17:47:00.001+08:00

I like the new template. Simple :) For one who still has 2 mid-terms, 2 reports, 1 presentation upcoming in the next 7 days, I sure have been wasting a lot of time.

Or maybe that's what I would have said in the previous semester (or for the better part of my life before this semester). Somehow, this sem I've been doing a lot of un-Kellylike things. Which have made me happier and less stressed, they observe. Which is great, I think. Even if that means cutting myself too much slack, which is something I am learning to get used to (but the learning curve isn't at all steep, LOL).

What's the point of the paper chase, when you lose yourself in the midst of it?

"Live the life you Love, Love the life you Live" says Bob Marley.
:)

Confessions of

2009-08-23T21:25:00.004+08:00

I have to make a confession:

I stole a Tim Tam from the cluster fridge. Well, I was hungryyy :/
(Despite all that food in Europe. Ohgosh. I miss Michael and his food. I've gained weight, hurrah)

I have to make multiple laments: Work is starting to pick up already. I was launched straight into a flurry of readings and lectures that looked oh-so-foreign. And doesn't help that I so miss everything (okay, most things) from the summer. The company, the slow-paced lifestyle of Vancouver and Denmark, the hospitality of people so unlike Singaporeans, the much greenery, the close-to-natureness, the beer too, the no need to think about work! Oh nooo.

I have a resolution: I must make this sem work for me. I will be happy :)

Stressed.

2009-07-19T00:06:00.002+08:00

You've Got A Friend
When you're down and troubled,
And you need a helping hand,
And nothing, oh nothing is going right,
Close your eyes and think of me,
And soon i will be there,
To brighten up, Even your darkest nights

You just call out my name,
And you know where ever i am,
I'll come running... Yeah,
To see you again,
Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall,
All you gotta do is call,
And i'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah,
You've got a friend,
Ohhhh

If the sky above you,
Should turn dark and full of clouds,
And that old north,
Wind should begin to blow,
Keep your head together,
Call out my name out loud, yeah,
Soon i'll be knocking upon your door

You just call out my name,
And you known where ever i am,
I'll come running, oh yes i will,
To see you again, oh baby
Dont you know about,
Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall,
All you gotta do is call,
But i'll be there, yes i will,
You've got a friend,
Oh you've got a friend,
Aint it good to know you got a friend,
Aint it good to know you got a friend,
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
You've got a friend!

It's the second time this month that this is so relevant. Thank God for friends.
But I still can't smile.

Just The Way You Are

2009-07-05T14:06:00.001+08:00

by Billy Joel

Don't go changing, to try and please me,
You never let me down before,
Don't imagine, you're too familiar,
And I don't see you anymore.

I would not leave you, in times of trouble,
We never could have come this far,
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times,
I'll take you just the way you are.

Don't go trying, some new fashion,
Don't change the colour of your hair,
You always have my, unspoken passion,
Although I might not seem to care.

I don't want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew,
What will it take till you believe in me,
The way that I believe in you?

I said I love you, and that's forever,
And this I promise from the heart,
I couldn't love you, any better,
I love you just the way you are.

I don't want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.

The past two weeks

2009-06-28T20:06:00.003+08:00

The past two weeks I'd probably met up with more friends than I did in the entire semester. This week especially, was gathering galore. I usually refrain from the "a day in Kelly's life" kinda posts, but perhaps today I'd make an exception. So here's my week in a rhyme.

monday I had brunch with Kian Wei
Toast and teh at quiet cafe;
Later I met the Odac gang
"Happy Birthday, Beifen" we sang;
The rest of us then karaoked
Pet, Li Cui, Ryan, Meiting, Me;
Bus home with Ryan's company
Super long ride - we muddled daffys!

tuesday Indulged at park with mommy
Couldn't smile - mind was on driving;
Evening, discussed CIR plans
And my Chatterbox refuge began.

wednesday Andrew and I, we
Pool recce during Biz FOC;
Black Roses I long time no see
Before this we all so busy;
Afternoon news came - camps cancelled
This H1N1 really not
To be underestimated;
Pray USC's can still happen
Or efforts wasted spirits dampened;
Movie night with FOP friends
Wasn't too bad though reviews depend;

thursday was the OGL camp
Supposed to drive in the morning
But I overslept - money wasted DAMN;
Camp was good and Sparta is cool
Mass dance we all super enthu;
Dinnertime Gerald came over
Subway and a somewhat school tour
Nice night with my friend the thinker
Thanks for coming, and the dinner.

friday Felt like I didn't sleep
The DOTA guys, their roars so deep;
Day 2 of the OGL camp
To Ubin came FOP gang;
Trekking amid greens and durians
Feels like Odac over again;
Journeyed back school in much fatigue
Well twas fun and quite nostalgic;
After debrief I met Gao Fang
Cos soon she'd leave for China
Take care, stay safe, have fun my sweet <3
HTHT when we next meet!

saturday Was just plain horrid
Arrived in school with eyes misted
Thank you friends for the cheer-me-ups
Driving just keeps sinking my heart;
Scholaris was great for a first
(Though I spoke in all boringness);
Then was board games with Emmanus
Thanks Miss Pang for inviting us -
Louise Yee Sian and yours truly;
And for your wise words a plenty.

For everyone's care and concern
I feel so greatly loved and touched
To my friends, I love you all much!
And Ryan for the long phone call -
Put my mind off the shit and all.

sunday My lovely afternoon
Lunch with Xiu Min, our IOU;
It's been so long, it really has
She's still the same, with all that jazz;
We had never been all that close
But to her I can bare my soul;
Can't wait for our girly picnic
In sundresses we'll reminisce.

I hate driving.

2009-06-27T21:35:00.002+08:00

I have been taking lessons for many many months. More than what a typical person would have done to pass. But I still suck at it. And I still feel that every lesson is an ordeal, that must be undergone with so much effort. Physically, emotionally, mentally, just every sense of that word essentially. 90% of the many many lessons I have taken thus far was a bad experience, either from bad feedback or horrible demonstration of skills (lack thereof, rather) or near accidents and perhaps a third of the many many lessons ended in tears. I do not deny his competency as a driving instructor and I shall just say that his teaching and my learning styles simply clash head-on.

The test (2 times postponed) is supposed to be next Thursday but I don't know what to do now. Have a pressing urge to just stop right now. Then I can have the next week free of all these worries and my life back to normal again. For the past many many months, these lessons had really taken a toll on my life. My money, my TIME (amidst the many other commitments, even during the exam period I had to rush to and fro NUS and cdc), my emotional well-being. It sounds really ridiculous but it's true. The extent of stress I had to go through before and after each lesson really kills me. But then at this point now, there is the issue of sunk cost. I have already spent so much...

And to think I really do NOT want to drive very badly at all. Only took it up cos my mom wanted me to. I should stop this "doing things to make people happy" routine. Cos more often than not I end up torturing myself. I hate driving THIS MUCH.

"Your worth is in Christ, not in achievement." - Miss Pang's wise words for me today.

What Singapore?

2009-05-18T23:49:00.003+08:00

Buskers along orchard road are "bad for Singapore's image", so says the Chairman of the Orchard Road Business Association, as reported in today's (okay now yesterday's) Straits Times. And if she had her way, she'd do away with them.

Well, what is this "image" that is being referred to here - that which depicts the culture of Singapore? Hardly, if you ask me. Probably just the facade that we want to showcase - something along the lines of, marketing/branding Orchard Road as the 5th Avenue of Singapore. In almost every single session of UMS3205C thus far, we'd inevitably launch into a discussion about this "culture" that is being marketed versus the authentic, vernacular culture adopted by our locals. I guess we've all come to a consensus, unsurprisingly, that there exists a gulf between the two - and a rather wide one at that.

What makes you and me true blue Singaporeans? Topnotch civic mindedness and hospitality akin to that of a 'land of thousand smiles'? C'mon, not even in a thousand years. What makes the sights and sounds in Singapore burst with local flavour? Cosmopolitan streets like Orchard Road where every passer by evokes an air like that of your average New Yorker? Hurhur, who are you trying to kid. Why is it that the authorities shun those endearing practices and elements that truly spell Singapore, and instead try so desperately to highlight what's, to us locals, so evidently manufactured and a departure of true Singaporean culture? So you think by tucking the buskers into the suburban areas (if there even are any to speak of in the first place), they will poof and disappear? Why, think again.

A Mother's Love

2009-05-17T11:20:00.008+08:00

A mother's love is something that no one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain.
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away.
It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking
It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems.
It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation.
A many splendoured miracle man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence of God's tender guiding hand.
Helen Steiner Rice

Last Sunday was momma's day and here's where we went!

Honestly though, I still don't see where the hype came from. Kevin and I both agreed we wouldn't have gone to see the cranes tearing our sunny (but not so anymore) island apart, if not because ma mentioned on several occasions that she wanted a ride.

Oh well. But everybody happy! (:

Oh look what ma did to "thank" us, which left me amused and touched at the same time.

Hahaha she teaches Chinese and not English for a reason! But then I think she realized.

Ditto the previous.

2009-05-01T21:58:00.003+08:00

This is so sad :(
Blogger isn't allowing me to upload the jpeg

It's a night before the Law paper and I'm online reading comics and watching Mad TV. AND I haven't tagged my textbook (it's an open book). Saturday papers are unfriendly. But still, KELLY WHY SO SLACK

Studied with Uncle James today. Thankfully he came and DROVE (woot) so I wasn't starved. Yeah muggers don't keep track of the calendar and we forgot today's May Day = canteens closed = Macs/Subway uber crowded = go out and eat or starve.

On another note, the alert's been raised to five now. AHH
Humans, please stop underestimating pigs. This is their way of getting back at us. Show us they can be powerful too. Attacking the world with stealth, not clumsy creatures you think they are.
Above theory coined by yours truly. Licui said it's very cute and grand and I should proclaim it to the world.

But I hope the pigs don't go overboard cos I still want to go to Canada and Copenhagen this summer :(

I should be studying

2009-04-26T13:03:00.003+08:00

But I did this just for fun.

Ha Willy I beat you to it!

Eyecandy

2009-04-24T09:53:00.004+08:00

So we're almost there!

The week of studying (well, supposedly) had been quite fruitful in many ways apart from for it's original purpose. But you know, when you've been so busy (SO BUSY) prior and you finally have some time in your hands when you can sit down, think, eat, talk properly with people, you really don't feel prepared to strive some more? That's exactly the way I am now!

I think I made the right choice to stay in this week, though. Funny and interesting things happen to friends when they study.

Like, hallucinations of favourite childhood heroes

Anyway, here's if you need to be
AWED,
TICKLED and
INSPIRED

Someone said I'm very good at destressing. Talk about irony.
I think the laundry's done. Hope the washing machine didn't go against me this time!

In a nutshell

2009-04-19T12:40:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure what brought me back here. Oh well, let's see how long this stint lasts.

It's been less than a year since the last post. I've always thought it ironic how the busier you are (and thus the more exciting your life, or so we always jump to that hasty conclusion), the fewer updates. Busy and exciting, definitely, this less-than-a-year had been. So much has happened, endogenously and exogenously. (YES! I'm applying what I have learnt. Oh Econs I want so much to be your friendddd).

Just this morning I was telling ma how we were long over. Many a time, my mother's a lot less observant than I would expect her to be, haha. Anyway, I think she was relieved, or even happy.

Maybe they're right. Parents always know what's best. Maybe.
But then again, many peers were trying to talk me out of it then too.
But well we're all foolish people.

He said to forgive those who had sinned against us. And so I will.

long time coming

2008-06-27T21:17:00.003+08:00

it's been so long since i took one of these things. they were all the rage during the initial blogging days! i thought this badge looks kinda cute so here goes (:

anyhow. so much has happened since i last posted here. what with switaly, ycamp, retrospectif (nusbiz foc), which was a blast :D and before all these, my numerous work experiences throughout the first half of this year...

was just telling mommy that i've really accomplished quite a lot (not just financially) during this long break. can't believe almost half the year is over! yet i can't wait for school to start :D

okay i shall leave my heapful of updates for...whenever i feel like it. it's not like this site is very frequently patronized, anyway (:

of choices.

2008-05-15T22:41:00.003+08:00

Many a time we lament not having the luxury to choose;
We dislike having others map out our lives, not quite the way we desire them to be.
Yet one day, when we come upon the crossroads-
Finally, the opportunity to decide for ourselves.
Suddenly, though, it does not seem like a privilege anymore;
Whoever knew it'd be so difficult to choose?
That dilemmas could be so endless?
"How now brown cow?"
We can't provide ourselves the answers - we daren't,
Afraid that a wrong step taken
Will cost us so much more in time to come.

Show me the direction.

life is too short for regrets.

2008-04-30T11:10:00.000+08:00

go away.

2008-03-25T16:17:00.002+08:00

#10910982390948084 REASON I DETEST THE COMPUTER:
IT EATS MY LIFE.

And I'd better get off it to mark Gen/Alloy's homework before they come for tuition.

of goodbyes

2008-03-06T20:24:00.003+08:00

today marks the end of my 10 week stint at isos. and i thought it'd be good for a post before current feelings get overtaken but an entirely different set of emotions tomorrow.

okay don't know how to start. i mean, it's not that so-much-has-happened-omg-i-don't-know-where-to-start; in fact, the 10 weeks had been very smooth sailing, very routine, work wise. and in other words, boring.

but i guess as with most previous experiences, it's the social aspect (or lack thereof, initially) that is worth reflecting upon. 10 weeks is short (as compared to people who have worked beyond a decade, don't ask me how/why) but i think i've come a long way. from the initial weeks when i had to constantly entertain myself because 1)apparently i was invisible to the people around, 2)net surfing was illegal (technically), 3)otherwise i would fall asleep, till now where i have nicer colleagues and a funky mother-of-four as my tablemate, i must say...
THANK GOODNESS FOR THE NUMEROUS SEAT CHANGES (shifted seats at least 5 times)!

haha but honestly. i'm impressed at how i actually stuck with the job despite the extreme hostility (yes i really would think so) that greeted me daily, for the first month or so. for the dole, obviously. i'm truly glad, though, that things improved tremendously and going to work became less daunting. of course with the aid of our little rjc clan in isos, beforeworks/lunchtimes/afterworks became perks to look forward to everyday.

nonetheless. quitting was necessary. i didn't want to get used to matching and scanning invoices all day. and, i miss being out in the sun! so i leave for greener pastures - quite literally, when i start visiting ubin weekly as j1 camps facil.

and i folded cranes for the nicer people yesterday! even used my special japanese prints origami paper. i feel thoughtful (what i weird thing to say).

and now, embracing tomorrow is going to be a challenge.

friends are love!

2008-03-03T21:45:00.002+08:00

just got off the phone with james. !!! i miss james and his olduncle-ness and sianess.

the weekend was nice.

friday evening; met hui and yihui for DA CAN to celebrate the receipt of our 1st paycheck (not in the sense of my first-ever-salary-received, but the first time it came as a paycheck. heh.) dinner was at OUT OF THE PAN, the crepes place at the basement of rafflescity. we met so many exclass/schoolmates during our outing. twas like a huge rjc gathering. anyways. after dinner we adjourned for dessert at the much coveted AZABU SABO for japanese dessert. talk about eating hearty :D and all these while i had a really sore throat and really should be eating porridge within the comforts of my home. heh the things kelly does for friends and food :D
(it was a heck of a sore throat though. felt so socially deprived cos i couldn't TALK without scaring people with my coarse voice)

saturday; the morning was for various errands. visited several libraries to leave copies of D-ACT'08 posters. the afternoon was for climbing. it's been so long! climbing is something that always induces a myriad of emotions within me. the before would be filled with excitement and apprehension. the after would be either euphoria or disappointment. but i love it nonetheless. this time round the after was the former, topped with the pride of being amongst such a huge and supporting group of people that day(: after climbing we had a late dinner of punggol nasi lemak and munchy donuts. heh finally.
and gavan said, until you conquer punks in the gym, there's always room for improvement. which i thought was really true.

sunday; time with whom i would consider the 2 people closest to me. and for dinner evening i treated my family to fish & co! so many holes in my pocket now. and 5k+ will fall through them into the switzerland&italy trip with my girlfriends :D ohwell. let's just go ahead and be crazy this one time :D

and so the results are gonna be released this friday. everything above now seems like "the calm before the storm". well, come what may...

i have a climbing date with licui in the morning on that fateful day. my fingers will shiver against the handholds.

hey world.

2008-02-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

Hello world (okay not really, since I probably only have 3 readers – which was a wild guess in case you’re currently wondering who’re the other 2 miserable ones – but anyway,) here’s the once-in-a-blue-moon post. I just thought this was blogworthy since I haven’t felt happy in a long time.

Considering there’s nothing/nobody I’d term trigger-happy in isos, which is where I spend most of my time now, at least until next Friday.

And especially since the week had been so crappy thus far, for more reasons than one.

But anyhow. I’m a happy girl today, because:

1) My colleague, Sock Li, gave me a pair of earrings handmade by her!
Which are so pretty but I’d be touched like I am now even if they weren’t. and which I accidentally left on my desk. Yikes I hope she doesn’t see them lying there and think I don’t appreciate them!
2) I passed the E1 1 jap test!
E2 is in May though. Which I felt was kinda stupid cos I’d have forgotten all my E1 content by then. Well I shouldn’t, but I know I would.
3) JUNO was really really really good.
A great dose of really witty and thoughtful dialogue. I am easily seduced (if that’s the word to use) by people who can talk/write/use the English language in a certain way. Heh. So if you haven’t watched it, please do; if you have, watch it again!
4) Tomorrow is Friday. TGIF!

And so I feel good even without my voice – I lost it after lunch and I have no idea how.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better (like Fridays should), provided I can talk, if at all, without scaring people in that coarse voice.

bad day

2008-01-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

i was feeling relieved as this bad day comes to an end, then while i was checking my inbox,

I'VE GOT MAIL FROM AMMARA IN CHIANGRAI!

which got me all excited and really made my day. i REALLY want to go and visit them in june. though ammara probably won't be there this june :(

okay i guess today wasn't all that bad. my days in the office are getting better. more people to talk to. may even have secured another tutee haha. yeahh need to earn money to feed myself and fund my material desires. not getting allowance anymore.

well, i pray for more sunshine in the days to come.

a good year?

2008-01-02T17:43:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since the last post. the As came and went, so did the holidays. the few months had been very eventful but i'd leave the many stories to tell on another day. for now i've got 15 minutes before knocking off.

it's 2nd jan 2008 today and it's the first year in many years that i don't have to go to school on this fateful day. instead i donned the workclothes and headed for the office today. my first day had been busy, though dry, but i'm not expecting it to get any better. what more can you ask of an admin job, really? well the restless me isn't suited for this sort of job at all, but i'm not gonna complain given that i was too lazy/didn't have time to find a job after As. and they pay well (i need to fund THAT europe trip!)

anyhow. i'd anticipate a busy year ahead. few days ago i realised that despite there being no school, i do have to juggle quite a lot of commitments this year. which beats rotting and stoning at home i guess. but of course i'd still make time for the people who matter(: i hope this is the start of something good.
for the past few days/weeks i'd been feeling apprehensive about the year ahead, cos of the very major changes that are gonna take place in my life. people coming and leaving, some for a while, some for good. changes that i'd need to adapt to. and the whole uncertain-about-what-lies-ahead feeling which i really hate. but we've all got to move on i guess.

as for the year that had gone... i must say that it'd been an exciting one. full of ups and downs, smiles and tears, highs and boring moments. and i'm really thankful for the people who have stuck by me and supported me through the hard times. and am really glad to have crossed paths with all my peers at rj. let's all do keep in touch yeah?

all right going for my first japanese lesson at bunka now. quite excited about it after a whole day of routine paperwork. i hope i make cool friends in class :D

my mother

2007-09-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

Sumiko Tan's column on last Sunday's (23/09) Lifestyle was quite an insightful read. she wrote about her relationship with her mother.

and many parts of it seemed similar to my relationship with my mother. 'we exercise together, have lunch together, and go on holidays together.' and so on. perhaps except when she said 'if there's one relationship i've never had problems with, it's the one i share with my mother'.

i wouldn't say that's true of ma and me. we argue with each other alot, our disagreements are aplenty. perhaps cos we're both as headstrong, no points for guessing who i got that trait from. but ma remains the most important person in my life and will always be.

it probably isn't uncommon for teenagers like me to have drifted slightly from their parents. it's the 'leaving the nest and growing to be independent' kind of thing. but somehow for me, it's like i'm growing closer to ma as we both grow older. she's changed alot too. from the kiasu competitive singaporean mother to one who's constantly reminding me to take breaks, dragging me out for big meals admist the prelims, and even boldly suggesting that we go for a holiday in HK just before the As (but ma i'm not so courageous lol). and though we're 3 decades apart, it feels like we can talk about anything under the sun. not that we have similar takes on all issues, though. and not that i'm into what she's into, like investing in properties, for example. Sumiko Tan puts it well: i still park myself next to her just to chat about nothing.

i feel she's like a best friend, really. and a role model, kinda. i've always thought her life and the success she has achieved now can be likened to a well-fought battle and the sweet rewards thereafter.

i love mommy dearest. and i want her to be happy! :D

here's a long one

2007-09-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

so the prelims have come and gone. they didn't really "fly by", as much as i willed myself to believe they would. but life isn't gonna be any more exciting just yet, with it being a mere 38 days from the As. ohwell, we don't really have a choice.

the past 2 days had been...messy. yesterday started out okay (actually it started out with econs tuition but whatever, it's good to maintain the momentum). went cycling at ubin! i think i've improved alot, though uhhh i still shudder at the sight of downslopes and huge crowds ahead. and it was mainly off-trail, so good practice for noobish me. chek jawa was pretty disappointing though, couldn't see anything from the boardwalk, though i believe it's definitely a whole new world beneath where we were...a whole new world not to be disturbed, i guess(:

pulau ubin is a nice simple place. but somehow it interests me more than the glaring citylights in mainland singapore. just that day i was telling mom, how i don't really feel like most (read: not all) girls my age. i really can do without pretty accessories, retail therapy, makeovers and the like. recently i've even come to avoid using the computer and going online. ahwell. maybe i'm weird. or boring. or an old lady hidden beneath a teenager's facade. whatever.

well so yesterday was pretty nice until. mainly it started to turn into a nightmare cos i reached home and emptied my bag and the camera was not insight. my lumix FX10 that i saved so long and got for such a good bargain! my tears started flowing before i knew it and soon i was a wreck. and the 300+ pictures (i'm gonna upload every single picture like regularly from now on).

called ubin police post, they said they'd check it out. wanted to make a report but the NPC closed at 10pm. i ran and reached there at 10.10pm. ohwell. perfect timing, they call it. i couldn't sleep for a long time yesterday.

this morning while having breakfast at werner's with mom the police called me! they found it! gosh i felt really really grateful and lucky. and thanks gina(: (who happened to be going there today, so she collected it for me)

so today was a pretty good, relaxing, time-with-family day. been so long since i had lunch with them on a sunday afternoon. ahwell. oh yeah and i think i consumed 5000 calories today. but i feel happy heh(:

i just don't understand how people can stand to give up food, of all things. people who starve themselves are losing out on too much! literally too, of course. hurts to see friends do that. i remember, though i don't wanna be reminded of, my one-sandwich-per-day times back in rg. and scrutinizing the nutritional facts column of every single food item. how tiring and silly and foolish. so many more things matter, than just the numbers on your scale. i'm glad i realised that. and my personal take: skinny is NOT hot.

and recently the heat's on CUPCAKES! but personally i think they just look pretty, since i'm not like yi xuan who adores icing. but really feel like follwing the trend and order some cupcakes from those online shopfronts. low barriers of entry, yo. maybe i also can set up a 'shop'. ohhh and i just realised that Cupcake Momma's cupcakes can be collected from kembangan mrt! thats 5 minutes from home haha so exciting.

Other pretty creations:
Room For Dessert
CCUP
The Patissier
Cheryl Shuen
Pateli's Crave

live earth!

2007-07-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

everybody show your support for live earth!(:
our environment is our friend. that was an important thing i felt i brought back from eoy exp last year. it's so hard to believe why, way before this when so many things were already happening, the people who were most in the capacity to do something were so.. selfish? ignorant? well let's just hope now that all's not lost yet. (oh yea anyway this weds bring-your-own-bag day go remind your maids and moms!)

on another (i can't decide whether it's good or bad) note, it's back to school tomorrow. it has been a smashing four-and-a-half-days, man. was really a good (but maybe not very well deserved) break after the second round of CTs. i've resolved to work veryvery (not doubly, triply or quadruply) but infinitesimally hard from now on. no more time to procrastinate. dear friends, i permit you to whack me if i daydream or angst away.
that being said, though, i'm not the sort that will devote 24 hours a day to mugging. really no stamina haha. have decided to try and make the next 4 months as memorable as can be. better that than whining and complaining. mind over matter hoho kellyng way to go!

welcome to muggerland, folks.

what a day.

2007-06-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

since i last checked my email on friday, i really thought i wouldn't be touching the keyboard for another week or more (more for the reason that the server is really going haywire and i can't stay connected for more than 5 minutes, than anything else). but today proved to be so much an eventful day, that i felt the need (which i haven't, for very long) to blog. and i don't mean eventful in your usual sense of the word.

it all started with (okay so now i start shooting guilty arrows) the rain which left me freezing for the most part of yesterday. didn't help that i wasn't feeling too well to start off with, kept sneezing and had this cursed phlgemy cough that refused to go away. naturally decided to sleep without the aircon for the night. and risk the mosquitoes that almost always launched their secret attacks whenever i decide not to turn on the aircon. and of course, the damned creatures came into action again yesterday night. so i woke up at 2-ish, after 2 hours or so of sleep, itching and scratching and cursing and sweating. everything together proved too much to bear so i turned on the aircon. and the aircon, as with numerous other appliances in this house, was pretty conky, so i was left perspiring for quite a while before it really started to feel cold.

and then, i couldn't sleep. i just couldn't sleep. don't know about you, but i've always had this fear for..uh, not being able to sleep. i'll start to panic and keep looking at the clock and thinking about the few hours i have left to attempt to sleep and how tired i'd be the next day and how then it'd be another wasted day and yada and the more i think, the more i just can't sleep. (always had the problem as a kid but haven't been like that for so long. i mean c'mon, we have so much to do we're so tired, everyday it's like your head on the pillow and into your deep slumber you go) so yesterday was really miserable. i think i promised myself not to bother anyone with my insomaniac problems (cos mom nursed a terrible headache for a long period of time when i was like that back in primary school or sth), but i still did it yesterday night. and person actually was awakened and answered my call which made me feel worse. anyways. finally fell back to sleep at about 5.

then, you'd call me crazy, but i decided to run in the morning cos i haven't in a few days. and it wasn't raining. so i did. but when i started i could already see the dark clouds looming ahead. then somehow, i don't know how, maybe i was really sleeprunning and not really running, i fell after crossing the traffic lights and one stretch of the park connector. when i pulled myself up, it hurt a little, thought it was just a few scratches. actually it was, but few seconds later the blood started oozing. and then the slight drizzle became heavy rain. just perfect. so i sought shelter nearby. and while the raindrops fell, the blood kept dripping as well. in a while there was sufficient blood for me to look like an unprofessional murderer. i really didn't know what to do. no tissue-let blood continue to drip. no umbrella-had to wait for rain to stop to walk home. i stoned under the shelter for about half an hr (within which many people walked past and saw how pathetic i looked and..nothing happened. singaporeans are really..singaporeans.) before i decided the rain isn't gonna stop anytime soon. and i thought mom's probably awake by now so i called her and told her about my little accident. then she had to come in the rain to fetch (as in by foot, my mom can't drive) me. I FELT SO BAD (2nd wave of guilt for the day). and while i waited, i played with the rain abit. to try and wash off the blood. by then the bottom part of my tshirt (wah i was wearing RAFFLES PE TEE how paiseh it was) and my fbts was red. more people walked past. ignore ignore bleeding kelly invisible. then finally this bangladeshi offered to lend me umbrella. i felt touched. but mom's on her way so i said it's okay and asked for tissue instead. he said don't have but wanted to give me his hankerchief. how nice. which really heightened my disappointment for my dearest countrymen.

and so my day started like that. won't you agree with me on how eventful it was. in the late morning, went to visit the elderly at moral welfare home. did some craftwork. and stayed at harbourfront centre to study. where my sore throat and zzz-ness was irking me. oh yes yesterday yl and i attended a youth forum by mr khoo swee chiow. you know the everest-cum-scuba-diving-cum-cycle-from-singapore-to-beijing guy. was quite inspiring. odac let's do that someday. haha.

what a long post. felt like i wrote the next chapter of a series of unfortunate events.

(do)NUTS

2007-06-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

and so here comes the non-angsty post for a change.

got treated to donuts fresh from the oven of the much coveted donut factory! you know the one people queue for hours and often still end up not getting them cos they cannot tahan and decide to give up...of course you know. haha so we had our little (ok, not really. 2 people ate 12 donuts) donut feast at macdonalds much to the envy of many others. eheheh.

uncle gavan leong woke up at the unearthly hour (like 7am or smthh) and waited painstakingly for some more hours. for me! yays :D

thanks for the 4 hours of sugar high! was really a pleasant surprise (:
did flag day this morning for lion's home. been a year since i last did canning i think. but my tin was pretty heavy.. i felt like i worked hard! flag day for LHE was a form of follow-up for D-Act '07. which..has been over for a week but to reflect upon it i'll leave for another day. cos there's just too much to say. can't wait to see those guys during AAR next week(:

on another note, i haven't been getting anywhere with my revision lately. what's with the lack of discipline these days. ugh.

2007-06-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

ever so often, i feel how one would feel,

when you get tired of giving yourself 'one more tries'.
when, time and again, you fall short of others' or your personal expectations.
when you feel foolish to have even attempted in the first place.
when you subconsciously begin to hunt for a place where you can cower and hide.

to you it may be insignificant. to me it's about everything. cos it happens. all the time.

The Day I Made Mom Cry

2007-05-13T19:34:00.000+08:00

The Day I Made Mom Cry

When I was a little, I remember;
I was a troubled petite soul
I worried, I feared, in sleep I shudder.
Ever so afraid, about nothing.
Then, I made mom cry.

When I grew a little more, I remember;
I was a somewhat rebellious
I was rude, ill-mannered, often I screamed at her
Yet she stood by me, all these while
Then, I made her cry.

Now I’m older, and hopefully;
An aspiring young lady
I work, I strive, I want to achieve
Keeping in mind, hopes she held
And now, I still make mom cry.

Eighteen years of life thus far
I have made mom cry more than enough.
Of joy or sorrow, doesn’t matter
Hurts all the same to see these tears
Cause I made them fall.

generation angst

2007-05-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

welcome to the generation of emokids.

the perpetual angst that dwells in the air really disturbs me. and it's contagious too. it's most unfortunate that i too, am a victim of this evil. and thus results in scary fluctuations of moods. terrible. cmon guys lets say NO to angst. emo no cool

haven't updated in so long. the last i wrote in my journal (yes i do keep a written journal haha) was probably.. january? it's so ironic that the busier we are, ie the more happening our lives are, the less time we have to update our blogs and journals.

let's see what's blogworthy bout my life in the past month.. the perak expedition was quite a breath of fresh air but it was over before we knew it. i really liked the hut-like place we stayed in. one day i'll build my own treehouse and live in it (: and our term in odac will officially conclude in 2 weeks. too quick to be true.

oh and raffles ringers was awarded gold with honours for syf this year. i know there are quite extreme opinions regarding the judging and the whole thing about how the landscape for bells is changing.. but that didn't quite dampen the euphoria. i was literally on a high. and i'm proud of the juniors(:

hmm what else these days. these days i've been thankful for people around me.. okay i'm kinda losing my train of thoughts. and i don't like long storybook entries therefore i shall get off the comp.

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENXIN! gosh the island creamery date hasn't happened yet. and i've been stuck at episode 15 of devil by my side for the longest time. but anyhow, know you've had a great birthday this year. why not? :P

my visualDNA

2007-04-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

not good enough

2007-04-07T23:46:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt,
like everything was beyond your reach?
like all they long you do is dream,
these magical utopic dreams you never will achieve?
and no matter how hard you try, they remain as far away?

have always felt this way.
most of the time i put these feelings at the back of my head,
but once in a while,
it confronts me upfront.
once in a while, like today.

do you ever feel,
like you're not good enough?
an urge to end this status quo, but to no avail?
and at the end of it all, after trying so hard,
you're so tired you feel like giving up?

well for me it's
one of these days, today.

2007-03-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

insensitivity irks me. oversensitivity irks me more.

to apologies, when do you say it's not your fault and when do you say it's okay? and what if both ain't true?

3 haikus

2007-03-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

tonight i have three haikus for those that bother.

#1
Nostalgia disturbs.
You don’t choose to remember,
Memory finds you.

#2
Thanks, and apologies;
So near, yet so far; This life
Paradox, indeed.

#3
Contempt breeds sorrow.
Why not smile, free, learn to trust
That’s a better life.

2007-01-24T20:20:00.001+08:00

honestly i really do not know if i’m in the right state of mind to accurately translate what i feel into words. actually, i really do not know what i’m feeling. and although i often disgust at fellow bloggers’ entries of exaggerated depression and wallowing in self-pity, that seem to have been posted more so for garnering sympathy, and although i know this may eventually turn out sounding very much like one of such posts, i decided that i really needed an outlet for these thoughts and emotions that have been spinning me around.

well i don't think i'm depressed. after all there is nothing that had happened that called for being so. tired, definitely. and perhaps..jaded, i guess. the recent spate of events that had occured, those of which affected me directly, as well as indirectly, really left me physically, and even more so, mentally, drained. tired of not being heard, of being incapable of so many things i want to be able to do but can't, regardless of how hard i try, tired of being too nice but yet not being appreciated, tired of..just tired. in particular, recently i have really been wondering whether i truly belong. there seem to have been more justifications against such a statement, than for it. the unimportant one, the extra, the one who has nothing to offer, the hidden one, the forgotten. funny how such a thought comes along just when everything is about to come to an 'end', everyone is battling whirlpools of emotions of leaving it behind, and then i'm pondering if i ever did belong right at the start. well and of course other issues,

which all result in the moody me that everyone fears and stays away from. i would like to pretend everything is bright and pretty and smile all day round, and i know it cannot go on like this, but i really hate wearing forced smiles. have really lost the hype- everything feels like a chore these days, and there is nothing to look forward to anymore. because my initial excitement always ends in disappointment. i don't even dare to look forward to anything, anymore. need something to happen to reignite the spark- and it's not something that can be made to happen. it's like everyday i start off feeling hopeful, or attempting to, and something bad is bound to happen along the way that ends it lousy. more and more so i'm questioning the meaning of living this.

need to calm down. need to refocus. need to put my mind off unhappy matters and let go of them, so then i can truly :) again. but how? my life right now is just in a state of fluster and mess. passions and obligations. desires and responsibility. dwelling and letting go. having fun and keeping control. study and food. and sleep. how do you balance all these? what is it that we should choose? how do you know which is the right choice?

sometimes when you come to think of it, the world is really quite a screwed up place. and sometimes more so than others.

i'd rather be dead than be sick

2007-01-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

Moja Moja cowzy. 抹茶レモネード。 says:
heys. how are you doing? you sound overworked from your nick...

i probably am. well the second school year at rjc, often characterized by the looming A-levels, has commenced. just 2 weeks into the academic year and the thickness of our files are increasing exponentially; i'm already overloaded with academic and non-academic commitments; i'd been to the doctor's twice.
but i'm probably pretty well-rested after this weekend. the total number of hours i'd slept yesterday + today is probably more than the total hours of sleep accumulated over the past week. decided to take myself off the medication though. does no good but makes me dreamy/fatigued/unsure of reality. probably the cause for my bodyaches too! say NO to drugs hahahaa

as the usual

2007-01-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

it's all coming back to me
the haunting memories
translating into reality
just when i thought it was over.

nobody understands, as usual
i cry my eyes puffy and red, as usual
hiding beneath the forced smile, as usual
dwarfed by the gigantic shadows, as usual
killing myself, and killing others,
as usual.

"dont collapse", i struggled to say.

2006-2007

2006-12-31T09:50:00.000+08:00

touched down at about 0530hrs local time, when the last sunrise of the year awaits. feels good to feel the warmth of the sun (though i heard there were quite some downpours these few days) and smell the grass! russia was, i wouldnt say fantastic-i mean, you guys definitely had a hell lot more fun partying when i was there, but then again it was a good experience(:
was so excited when i realised there was post for me! amongst them many were christmas cards.. which were quite a nice read. sorry to have to express late thanks, guys(: yeah and although i have a truckload of things to do, amongst which include reading the past 10 days of newspapers, staring at the pile of holiday homework which im not intending to lay my hands on, i thought it would be good for me to look back upon the passing year before it becomes history. and especially so because this year is/was marked by certain rather significant happenings. but that's not to say the others weren't.
but it being my first year in junior college, and many other first times! well like first time kayaking 32km in the open seas, first time battling the subject of Economics (which had steadily grew to be the bane of my jc life), first time running a 10k mini marathon like thing.. actually i started off this post with an intent to not list any examples because i know if i start i'd go on and on and on. because so so many things happened, this year. anyway, so apart from first times, it was also a year i had been forced to make choices, and obliged to deal with both the positive and negative consequences, the year i opened up and loosened up (believe me it was a whole lot worse before) so much, the year i learnt to be more observant and thereafter more empathetic of the people around me and more aware of my surroundings, the year i attempted to genuinely accept myself, and people in general, for who they really are, the year that had seen many of my emotional upheavals in relationships with family and friends, and also probably the year when the most number of new people entered my life. but that's only the good part. this year, there were/are also many arenas in which my personality, character, and performance deteriorated. some minor, some major, but all calls for improvement in the year ahead.
so in 2 words, the year had been: dramatic. learning.
and so i've decided to do away with the flowery language and abstract metaphors in my summing up of the year 2006, by approaching it in the most direct manner-takeaways of the year. and the following would be,

the 10 most important things i have learnt this year:
1 it never hurts to learn more. in fact, that's the only way you can continue to grow. physically, emotionally and intellectually. ~~ignorance is bliss~~
2 making choices is hard. choosing wisely is harder. but once you've chosen, believe in it and don't look back.
3 indeed it is crime to watch hopelessly while letting time slip away, but in everyday life, you cannot rush through time either. sometimes in slowing down our steps a little, we see a whole new world opened up in front of us, one we'd never have seen if we hadn't bothered to pause.
4 everybody is different.
5 suicide, or intentionally causing yourself harm in any way, is probably the most selfish act that may be committed. self-content, and love for yourself, is important.
6 so is giving chances. to yourself, if 10 tries aren't sufficient, give it 100 shots, but go easy on yourself, just be patient and perserverant; and to others, those that committed wrong should be given a chance to change themselves, those that committed no wrong should be aided and helped.
7 forgiving is essential for moving on in life. ~~blame~~
8 as they say, change is the only constant in life. so the need for appreciation and showing appreciation.
9 discovering your passions give you a reason to live.
10 not everything can be within your control. so when the time comes, you should learn to let go

some food for thought from me(: unfortunately "what i have learnt" doesn't mean i have already incorporated them inside me, perhaps i'm still learning how to.
best regards for the year ahead, you all(:

see you in 10

2006-12-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

the flight's been delayed for 50 minutes! waaah so i shall make good use of the free internet(: anyway, for anybody who gives a damn, i'm flying off to Russia tonight (22nd) and will only be back on the last day of the year! just in time for the new year countdown hahah. spending christmas away from home too. seems like i'll be missing quite a lot of partying.. so everybody have fun, and enjoy while i'm freezing my ass off over there (it's sub zero goshh).
the past week has been.. uhhh a lot of late nights. cos i only commenced making my christmas cards on wednesday. hehh but they turned out quite oookay. don't know why i spent time making cards though. haha lately i've been quite on about handmade stuff. so those of you who receive one from me, be honoured! and for those who don't.. i'm sorry i missed you out but you know i still love you(: so,
HERE'S WISHING EVERYBODY A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
today was also the last day of my I2R attachment. i can't even begin to describe my joy when i stepped out of that place. ohoh! and today we had a surprise birthday celebration for gina! which was a success. haha gosh group3 is damn cool la. yay i love surprises.
okay shall head towards the gate already. it's gonna be a looong flight. 15 hours! alrighties take care you all and do miss me(: (hahah as if)

random thoughts.

2006-12-18T14:45:00.000+08:00

1.04 p.m.

The past few days can be surmised as, uh, ‘déjà vu overload’. But in the sense that these experiences really did happen, so they don’t really count as déjà vu. Wait. Before you get even more confused;

I had my weird tasting but homely tomato pasta, which I haven’t had in more than a month. Cos the holidays had been so hectic. Everyday is packed with activities, first I’m working, then I go overseas, then I have attachment; sometimes I don’t have time to go home for dinner, other times, I just don’t want to.

But then I didn’t realize I miss home cooked food (and the homely feeling) so much.

Until last Friday when I went to biaojie’s house, where my mom and aunt prepared dinner. And mom cooked her spicy-sour soup/broth (which we affectionately termed 假鱼翅, i.e. pseudo shark’s fin), which she hadn’t cooked in, uh, more than a year. It was just a simple meal, we didn’t even eat together because everyone came at different times after work/attachment/whatevers. But I was reminded of what we used to do, when life wasn’t so busy and jam packed. That night I ate in front of the TV (the last time I did that was probably in lower Sec), and actually sat through an entire episode of a Chinese drama serial. Whoa the last time I did that would be…I really cannot remember. Haven’t watched TV in more than a year.

(Funny how it should be on a Friday too. I remember when I was 7-8 years of age, I used to visit my biaojie without fail every Friday.)

Then yesterday. (Yesterday was hell of a shit day, I really don’t know how it progressed from okay to bad to worse until right before dinner time concluding in me hating myself so damn freaking badly, thankfully after that it was fine). Only the dinner-and-thereafter segment of yesterday was decent. In fact yesterday’s dinner, for once in a really really long while, felt like the old times again; when my brother talked ~~more~~ and my father joked. The laughter evoked warmth admist the rain. (and yes it rained for the entire day, what the hell).

We even started reminiscing aloud; mostly I was teasing my brother. About the time he hid a basketball in his puny bag cos mom wouldn’t allow him to bring it to school and play; and the time he refrigerated a storybook because he didn’t want to be caught reading when he was supposed to be doing work (and mom was coming upstairs and there was not enough time to hide the book elsewhere)…

Well if only it could be this way every Sunday.
Yeah so this is what I meant.
---
1.30 p.m.

在我身边的大家，你们当中有谁能确确实实的说，自己清楚生活的意义是什么、在生命的最终要达到什么？现在的忙忙碌碌是为了什么 --- 心里有锁定目标了吗？还是只不过盲目跟风，这一阵“来匆匆、去匆匆”的风。

今天晨跑时无意听见两个陌生人的对话 – 有关于。。。aiyah详细内容是极不清了，但一个字：
钱。
岂不是？在我们生活的社会了，每时每刻，不论你在哪个角落，人与人的对话也好，新闻报道也好，都离不开钱。工作人士比较薪金，阿嫂们直冲大减价，还频频与档主杀价。现代人如此讲究物质生活，无可否定，钱是必需品。但难道没有比它更重要的事物吗？每天忙碌本坡度是为了赚钱，甚至直到不分昼夜、废寝忘食。有这个必要吗？

这样子的人生，快乐吗？

还是，快乐已经成了次要？

前阵子在报章上读到吴庆康的一篇文章，让我印象深刻。他把在旅行时遇见的porter当例子,让落后国家的人与发展国家作比较，相比之下，谁比较幸福？答案看似明显，其实不然。或许我们看他们生活潦倒,家境贫困,难免掀起同情之心。但，可曾想过，他们少了金银珠宝，却也多了几分无忧无虑。不像我们一心只想赚钱，他们的顾虑少,负担轻,过得更轻松自在。

谁说他们需要怜悯？也许他们比我们过的还要幸福。
---
2.13 p.m.
Sometimes, when you expect a good day, it can turn out to be like, shit.
On the contrary, sometimes when nothing seems to be going right, it still ends on a relatively good note. That is, when you bother to think back on the day.

Like last Sunday, Kevin wanted to bowl so badly after breakfast and I agreed to accompany him, but then there had to be such a long queue at our breakfast venue (we had this overnight stay at intercontinental) and we only finished breakfast at around lunch. I couldn’t be late for my bouldering date with yingzi. So we didn’t bowl.

So off I went to SAFRA. Only to realize, after traveling all the way to Yishun and compromising bowling that the rockclimbing tower is closed due to SAFRA adventura. We were L, but not for long. ~~Not wanting to make it a wasted trip~~ Wanting to make our trip seem less wasted, and suddenly remembering there were Odacians participating in the race, we decided to show them some moral support. Wanted to make a placard, which we didn’t in the end- but we bought them drinks! Lol what nice friends we are.

And then, again I had to rush to Serene Centre for island creamery outing with biaojie. And I was late for half an hour, plus my phone ran out of battery so I was uncontactable. Felt really bad. It was raining very heavily when we reached the bus stop. We got tired of waiting for it to stop, so walked to Serene while it poured. And entered looking like 2 fools (I was reminded of the time Jean and I went to Armani@Hilton, 2 rj students drenched in our uniforms, to get her catalogue for our ‘project’ haha). And then the rain stopped. Admist our cursing we laughed it off. And we shared like $20++ worth of desserts. Mud pie, chocolate sundae, baked Eskimo. I love pigging out with people who are willing to uhh indulge and heck about the calories J

And so I didn’t get to bowl, didn’t get to boulder, was drenched in the rain, but it turned out not so bad after all.

As compared to yesterday…yesterday was SHIT.
---
Sometime back I chanced upon I-can’t-remember-who’s blog, and now someone else posted this up too(:

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he
cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

I just thought it is really sweet. In a tongue-in-cheek kind of way.

weird but homely tomato pasta

2006-12-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

yeah mom's tomato pasta. weird but tastes like home. can't remember when was the last i had it, before tonight. been so long since i had dinner at home.. kinda feels like the pre-promo days. when i mugged till late at night but still went home to have dinner at 10 (part to save money, but part to savour home-cooked food after a tiring day. which essentially was every day during that period). only now it's because my holidays had been so jam packed.

first it was a lot of shopping (to me at least. retail therapy is good but unlike most girls i don't really consider shopping an essential for life) and going out with friends, then working at Conrad (i miss jasmine!), then it was odac22's year end expedition to australia which i have since recovered from the blues but the special memories i will always hold close to my heart, for future reminiscent; which i am still in the process of neatening and tidying up my journal; which there were several occurences that i am still constantly reminded of, and still reflecting upon...those were a great memorable spectacularly lovely and insigightful, well-spent 12 days (thats rolling all the adjectives into one), then after coming back to singapore was attending several gatherings with new friends and old, finally getting more involved in my role as a highfiver (with fellow sgrockers), and commencement of my a*star attachment at I2R (institute for infocomm research) which has since proven to be extremely unproductive and exceedingly boring, then the past week i'd also met up with my cousins which spelt a lot of pigging out and gaining all the weight i'd lost, and more, from eoy ex, and going back to school a coupla times to settle odac stuff, and admist all these there was a lot of reflecting about yesterday and thinking about tomorrow and very often not coming to any conclusion. ohwell. and just this mon-tue there was ad jam, and then now attachment continues till next fri, before i fly off to russia and dubai, and will only return on the last day of the year.

in time for the annual countdown to usher in 2007. which i both anticipate and dread.

and i have such a long list of things to do in so little time! proposals, reports, presents, send out christmas cards, start studying for SAT, start doing my holiday homework, and whatnot. so much to do, so little time.

and this year is coming to an end..need to set aside time for my reflection and summing up of this ummmm for now i'd say exciting year for me, and make new year resolutions! hahah. but before that, christmas is in about 12 days! won't be spending it in singapore..but i love christmas (:

yeahh and in case i do not update before then,
have yourself a merry little christmas

burned out.

2006-11-15T23:43:00.000+08:00

well, kinda. after all, i signed in at 5AM this morning. cos there was a lunch function yesterday at SBTP, so jasmine said she needed early morning staff. and i thought it'd be quite an experience working in the wee hours of the day. indeed it was, getting picked up by a pre-booked cab, and being sent to work without having to pay... except that was at 4+AM . hahah. today was quite fun because shawn, ben ho, and gavan were working too! and they were all very amusing in their own ways xP so many rjc students are doing casual labour at Conrad f&b now! all thanks to yours truly(: but tomorrow will probably be my last day at Conrad for this year, since i'd be leaving for Aust on friday. UNLESS i decide to work weekends when i return. can't do weekdays anymore because of the a*star attachment.GAH. anyhow, there's so so much that i have learnt from the past, say, 10 days working at Conrad. and over these 2 weeks, i've grown to respect jasmine a really great deal.

recently though, i seemed to have reattained the pessimistic streak in myself. which can get really bad. why am i not good at anything! i really hate being lousy. EUGH.

okay, that aside, between my last update and today, i've been to so many places and done so much. in short, i was very busy having fun! leaving for aust this friday! well i'm part excited, part not. ohwell shall go sleep now. yawn!

ohh and the date of Singapore ROCK's been changed to 2nd dec. which means i will be able to make it! how exciting. i feel really good about this because i kept having to miss high5 events throughout the year due to other commitments. and was quite spurred out by the enthusiastic response i'd received when i advertised the event by spamming all my yahoogroups. yay may we succeed!

add-on (from prev post)

2006-11-09T19:25:00.000+08:00

oh sheesh i forgot one last thing. i can finally proudly announce that as of monday, 6th november 2006, i have survived torturous months of PW and all other disgusting thoughts that come with it.

which includes, the four siaokias!

think keefe tan (paiseh undoubtedly you're the most notorious haha). QUADRUPLE that insanity. and you get my funkeh PW group. but no worries the sensible me offsets all the craziness(:

november babies!

2006-11-09T18:40:00.000+08:00

waah this morning the SBTP crew actually celebrated for keefe (HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE TAN!) with a slice of CHOCOLATE ROYALE (which i koped a third of. heheh) and other edible yummylicious decors, which he devoured. haha see below for reference. jasmine thought of this whole mini-surprise thing! she's so funkeh i like her(: and she's a supersuper nice captain i/c! but WAHLAO EH MY BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK AND I WORKED ONE DAY BEFORE IT! HMMMPH oh but then again, i was at Oscar's then, not SBTP. where i doubt anybody even takes note of you, much less your birthday. i'm glad for the transfer though. after being so annoyed and partially traumatised by uncle robert last year, and the previous few not-so-pleasant episodes at Oscar's last week. i can finally say that i'm happily working(:

chocolate royale!

i think the bear cuter
ohoh. but then again, i am not complaining cos my birthday got homemade oreo cheesecake. with love, sweat, tears, blood. okay last two maybe not. so even nicerr :D

blessed me!

best i ever had

2006-11-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

candles and balloons,
confetti and song;
and most of all, the people
they are all that matter.

classmates past and present
my best buds nonetheless;
and many more odacians
with whom i share adventures.

felt really touched and very loved,
tried so hard to hold the tears;
though i knew right from the start
something must be up :P

for the heapsful of chocolates,
and lifetime worth of memories,
and for the magical surprise,
a thousand thank yous will not suffice.

it was the best i ever had.
xxx
waaah i am moved by my own poem! heh. gee in 1 hour and 15 minutes the magic will disappear, i will lose my crown and life will be back to normal again. but i believe the memories will stay.. and that's all that truly matters (:
thankyou everyone who was part of the 'surprise', and to everyone else who remembered the day, i remember each and every one of your birthday blessings! friends are LOVE. actually the party was part-surprise, part-not; cos of certain people who spilled the beans to me. lol. but it really didn't matter.. i had a lot of fun. and was really really touched that it even happened.
right now i truly feel blessed, loved, happy, thankful and xing fu. blessed and loved by you guys, happy with the company of you all, thankful for you all, and fortunate to have you guys as friends! it was the best birthday i have had in years, or maybe even, the best i ever had.
THANK YOU
i had a second surprise during dinner at fish&co tm with mom and kevin. was made to stupidly stand on the chair, holding a sparkler, when the crew and pretty much everyone else in the restaurant sang my birthday song. mom actually bought a small (ok not very, we gave the rest of the cake to the funky crew) portion of greentea cake from breadtalk.
i feel overwhelmed. by love and happiness. thankyou.

哈罗。

2006-10-26T11:01:00.000+08:00

something has gotten to me today. have been acting silly, earlier on i switched off my wireless button unknowingly (i don't know how) and started panicking frantically when i couldn't get the network. then just now i thought blogger deleted my account when i couldn't sign in cos i used my blog name instead of my username. and not to mention yesterday i ran in the rain from the bus stop to thomson. and it was heavy pouring rain not light drizzle rain.

bah ok enough of stupidity. today is the last of schooling day of 2006! but i decided to stay at home. haha. was very tempted to watch 恶魔在身边 but i was disciplined and practised for op instead. a lvls la don't playplay. plus my group comprises 4 guys the powerhouses so i pale in comparison. i want my 1! hm but i must say (my crazey) projectwork (group) added much colour to my school life in rj this year. and i'm impressed with myself for having been able to withstand those 4 siaokias.

post-promos have been fun, leisurely, exciting, happening, reflective,.. quite a bit of everything. the more interesting things that happened in the past 3-4 weeks or so, would include:
(1) going to the airport and watching planes fly and deciding that in the future i would be a (someone) that can fly here there everywhere(:
(2) fretting about being ambition-less (still am! HOW??)
(3) going to the airport 4 times in 3 weeks.
(4) going running, swimming, climbing and running again all in one day and realising that isn't a very wise idea
(5) befrienders dance with yi xuan! (:
(6) sentosa! although all the attractions were too pricey to visit and i refuse to be cheated unlike those tourists
(7) vivocity twice in 2 weeks. and it really is pretty cool. numerous homongous shops and enough space to not let me feel claustrophobic. and i mean, cmon it houses the flagship store of CANDY EMPIRE which is easily my favouritiest shop on earth.
(8) shopping, splurging. ok not very interesting but i discovered a pretty cool shop at ps, outfitters girls. and they are having a sale so gogoGO!
(9) midautumn festival with my brother and biaojie. it really felt like the good ole times again when we still could do foolish silly things and laugh at ourselves.
(10) ponning chem to go for kbox and rushing back when our time wasn't up cos we had incurred the wrath of
(11) class bbq and learning journey. whoaaa. hide&seek, climbing to the roof, stupid silly censored things the guys did, songsinging (ok for me tunehumming) all night in the LT, on the bus. and giving up sleep to ~~gossip~~ talk. for once i felt a tinge of class spirit in us. honestly i think my classmates are all very fun it's unfortunate that we have to be so fragmented as a class. anyhow, it was quite an unforgettable day. people who ponned you missed out hoho
... and i can't remember anything else. and before we start feeling bored, yi xuan, jean and i have also gone to apply for part-time waitressing at Oscars, Conrad. decided to try something different after having to stand 10 hours daily last year. plus now i have friends with me! but there are manymany days i have to block out (stupid as attachment GAH) i hope they still let me work! and have to think of a way to convince ma to let me do the nightshifts too. hmmm. ok so much blabbering. ahh youtube's almost done with my song. i think after watching so much of 恶魔在身边 i'm behaving silly too. haha.

你怎么可以这样对待自己的手？
弹吉他的手，打篮球的手，做模型的手，牵着我的手-

guardian angel*

2006-10-06T00:29:00.000+08:00

i found it i found it! i meant, this
会有天使替我爱你
worth a read if you guys can take the.. chinese. haha. so sweeeeeeeet(:

night walk

2006-10-05T21:50:00.000+08:00

when you walk the lonely roads at night,
when the stars are shining bright,
and all's quiet except the sound of crickets;
as you wait aside the traffic lights
and watch the cars past you by,
what do you think? what goes through your mind?

tonight i decided to take a slow stroll with a lot of detours home from eunos interchange. it being the eve of mid-autumn after all, thought perhaps the moon would be round and pretty. i thought about so many things, one after another..they were really racing through my mind. okay maybe not racing. oh and i met jeremy he at the station. he was from my btc group- the one who hated rj and wanted to be a farmer. haha. he's in vj now. chatted for a bit. i like meeting old friends...
xxx
in life we constantly make new friends and leave the old,
by circumstance, by choice,
people walk in and out of our lives.
like zooming cars on the roads
like floating clouds up high.
forever is a mirage;
parting is a common affair
this we all have to learn to deal with, and to realise
what matter's most
is they remain in our hearts.
xxx
i hate having to make choices
but what's worse,
is to regret having made them.
xxx
ocassionally i feel this need to hide,
or to run to a faraway place
where no one can find me
just me, myself and i.
i despise the coward in me.
xxx
discontent-
something we must all learn to rid from our lives.
i'm still trying.
xxx
这条漫无目的的路很长，
越走越累。
自己却无所长，
有时还真觉得窝囊。
内心无奈的呐喊
没有人听得见。
表面上屹立不到，
心里却是脆弱的不可以。
经不起一点小雨，
雷电交加更是粉碎；
有时，自己不爽就算，
还整天让他人心伤。
最不想让人失望，
却一直这样。
总是质疑，问题到底出在哪里？
其实也知道，
问题在于自己。
xxx
经常在想，
别人眼中的我，心里的我
是怎么样一个人？
xxx
to those i have unintentionally hurt,
(i think there are plenty)
i'm sorry.
xxx
what an emotional post. DISGUSTING.
what is life for, actually?
(urhhh no suicide inclinations whatsoever haha)

WHOA

2006-10-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

tell you something..
THE PROMOS ARE OVER!

yay. waaah yixuan and i were totally delerious when the bio paper ended! and at the council area the odacians just went mad as usual..
speaking of which. bunch of them are in school now preparing for the outdoor buffet. which i'm totally not involved in. hmm quite sad. i thought about it and realised this is probably the first odac event i'm missing out on. haha sigh but hope they have fun and hope associate exp will be a success! (:
but then again, whilst missing out on that, i'm gonna have helluva good time too! maaan. we've been waiting for this day for so long. c'mon guys
the funnnnn starts NOWWW
heh shopped with mom at bugis today. shopped till we dropped. retail therapy feels so good! kbox with my girlfriends tomorrow, can't wait(: and MIGHT be going climbing on wednesday.
eh actually i started feeling relaxed after the chem paper already. (with the exception of yesterday when for some reason i started feeling extremely stressed again because i realised that i totally misplanned my schedule for studying bio, ended up not being able to finish everything, BUT WHATEVER). caught a movie on thursday, OHOH AND WE WATCHED FORBIDDEN CITY ON SATURDAY.
with hui, wanchee, yihui. we caught the finale how cool is that. and the programmes were going at like $2.. uhh i suspect they were originally priced at like, $15? but anyhow. i really liked the musical. acting was good. i liked the empress.. she really moved me at some points. and the singing.. kit chan is really power. gosh i was really really.. overwhelmed. and the musical numbers were good too. (comprehensible, at least). oh and hahaha hossan leong and sebastian tan sure added comic relief! pangu haha so cute(: overall i'd give it uhh manymany thumbs up. well i guess for a show that could be staged a total of 3 times thus far.. it'd definitely be good. totally worth my bio (i think) and 100+ bucks.
heh musicals are so my thing. except when we factor in the cost.. sigh. think i have watched 5 theatre musicals so far. mamma mia (with rng), les miserables (in UK!!!!), the sound of music (with bro), westside story (with huixian) and forbidden city. I LOVE(:
okay i shall uh. go do sit-ups now. haha. happy holidays guys

dreams

2006-09-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

and so, the promos have come and gone- actually i shouldn't be entitled to say that yet, since biology is a cursed subject and therefore while everyone has finished their papers, we sad followers of Mendel and Watson&Crick still have to sit for one paper on Monday. but still, the worst is over! yay(:
and because i don't see the point-just like i don't see the point in frantically checking answers with the rest immediately after the papers when there's nothing you can do about it and if you realise you'd made mistakes you're basically just screwing your own mood up-i shall not talk about promos(:
so, i went out yesterday! for the first time in goodnessknowshowlong. out as in shopping-have-fun out, not need-to-get-this-done-quick-and-go-home-to-mug out. i'm not intending to give bio up, it's just that the prospect of having the weekend ahead to prepare was too too tempting and because i'd been cooped up for so darn long, just needed to take a break..
little miss sunshine was a good show-and everyone should watch it! yepyep. both in terms of acting and storyline..i thought abigail breslin was so cute! hmm can't remember when was the last time i watched such a meaningful movie. i really liked the message embedded behind all that wit, about going all out to achieve your dreams, no matter how ambitious they may sound, how faraway they may be. which brings to mind this, that i wrote today while taking a break from the cells...

或许现在还看不见
但若不懈迈进，持之以恒，
七色彩虹，广阔草原，蔚蓝的天空
终究会出现。
不要慌张，不要害怕
小心翼翼
一步一步
便会走到。
人生是无止境的，漫长的
但
漆黑的道路，会越走越亮；
梦离现实，将越来越近。

i miss writing. but my chinese is like how pokai now haven't written a word of chinese for i don't know how long. which is saddening cos i used to enjoy writing. a little. but now.. quite disappointed about the lack of sincerity in the little excerpt i wrote today. just.. something missing. i remembered when i went back to rgs during teachers day just one month ago, met tanglaoshi and talked for a bit. and she asked if i was still writing.. she told me that i shouldn't give up on writing! hmm. i guess for me, writing was more of a way to seek solace, and to reflect. ahwell. now that i have the time, i will(:
okay i promised myself not to sleep too late tonight. so i'm off!

i hate promos

2006-09-24T22:03:00.002+08:00

in the past 24 hours, i have:
1.had a nightmare
2.woke up in sweat
3.ran
4.thought about what i wanna do after promos
5."happy birthday james"
6.attempted to study
7.panicked
8.panicked even more
9.thought about this year thus far
10.cried
11.talked to mom
12.starved
13.ate
okay i think as it goes on the items on the list becomes more irrelevant. but basically i didn't really study today. which is a good thing i guess.
actually i think im not so much stressed but more.. uh okay correct that I AM STRESSED (verymuch in fact), but it's also because my stamina's stretched to its max. like i was wondering to myself today, when was the last time i watched a tv show? when was the last time i read a book for leisure? this is not to say that i started mugging way early before everyone (hell no haha), but that time was spent satisfying other commitments. seems like 2006 has been a really busy year. all the way it had been and it's not gonna stop, not even after the promos. sometimes i like it that life is busy and purposeful. but then sometimes i wonder if there's really a purpose to all these. and lately, i have been wanting and yearning to go back to how life was like before all these. but i don't know when that would be.
on another note. i have convinced myself that the medicine i was given by the doctor came with some wide side effects upon consumption which probably included memory loss that's why i forgot so many things that i have revised/memorised ever since i started taking them. which was what caused me to panic. and they probably also induced my 5 nightmares in a row too.
anyhow. it's a few hours before promos. so good luck to everybody. brace yourselves and hang in there it's gonna be over soon!

ceteris paribus, not

2006-09-08T00:54:00.000+08:00

in life, there will always come some point or other - actually, more points than others - when we have to deal with something called 'change'. i used to despise change. i yearned for a life that was stable, unchanging; i wanted to maintain the status quo.
but then i realised how uninteresting life would be without change. in fact, what life would there be? change may be in the form of something, someone, emotions, thoughts. it may be for the better, or for worse. in any case, it is inevitable. as i grow i have come to terms with change, to not fear or hide from it, but to accept, and even welcome change.
change makes me learn. to let go, to accept, to close doors and open new ones. i like change.
hm, life is so fleeting, can anything actually be forever?
on another note, here's something i wrote yesterday when waves of nostalgia swept over me..
Playful children have this sparkle in their eyes
These days I keep seeing such sparks;
They fly by me,
I want to turn back, but I can't.

I miss it, then
Running around catching 'thieves'
Penmanship writing without thinking
The fifty-cent laksa I never had enough
Kicking waterbottles - we really did have fun

Sigh, life is good now
But, still!

alrighties timeout! (:

2006-08-14T14:53:00.000+08:00

since i've wasted almost the entire of my free block away, i might as well waste the whole of it. the past week had been okay, and i'd spent like half of it with pretty and manly people at gunung ledang, aka mt ophir. as follows is my post on the been-very-stagnant odac blog:
"i wonder if anyone still visits this. the last post was eons ago therefore i'm here to rev' it up (: and this marks my first post on the odac blog.

just some random rambles and my personal feelings with regard to ophir ex that has just concluded! yay congrats to everyone - we conquered it! don't know about you guys but personally i was really extremely apprehensive prior to the expedition, worrying about not being able to.. uh come back in one piece. haha in fact throughout the climb i was very fearful too. sigh imma some noob. haha so i'd like to thank group B for supporting me and pushing one another to move on! esp the dudes in my group heh thanks for lending so many hands when i kept losing my footing :/ anyhows, we're like one fantastically high and crazy group! I LIKE(:

yep and kudos to the planning comm, especially the camp commandents, for putting together this expedition which provided us such a memorable experience in ophir. hmm i'll be copying all my photos onto a disc and passing them around.. so whoever wants my prettypretty pictures can save them onto your comps. i guess the conclusion of ophir ex also marks the start of the mug-for-promos season. so work hardd guys (:"

yesterday was a terrible terrible day. probably too stressed or pms-y or some shit but i just broke down again and again. benny is staring at my type so it's very weird. but basically im glad the terrible day is over.

and tomorrow is the 15th! hmmm (:

what's going on

2006-07-30T00:30:00.000+08:00

"Every Time a Bell Rings, An Angel Gets Its Wings"
Carillon. we managed to pull off a decent performance. the bells didn't lose their magic! (: though i really bdoubt any of them read this, i'd like to congratulate and thank the current choir for their effort, and i must say i'm really proud to be part of the alumni - the resonance ringers! it felt good to be back to play, ringing with much less baggage than before.. yeah maybe that was why we were able to be more focused and engaged in our music, like what mrs deborah tan said. but i realised that i miss ringing, more so than i thought.. and the ringers! very much.

handbell ringing is a collective effort. must remember that whatever you do, you do it together. when shit happens (and really it does), you’re in it together; when something good happens, share it with the others.
watching them, nostalgia just started to overflow. last-minute rushes before the concert, stressing really badly, pre-concert butterflies in the stomach, post-concert highs and euphoria. memories.

Ancalima – exceedingly brilliant and shiny. i will always remember (:
and the past week i'd been attending the onedegreeasia youth leaders conference at SMU.

maybe it would suffice to say that i would rather have stayed in school. well some parts of onedegree were relevant, and really really insightful… but not enough to convince me that the hefty fee was worth it. okay let's just put it as that i really missed everyone at school! and it was IHC week! so much i missed out on! can’t wait to return on monday, but on the other hand i don’t wanna face the heapful of WORK. ohwell.

prior to onedegree, there was IHC rockclimbing last monday. at rg. i haven't climbed in eons and i'm really itching to ): ohyes good luck to everyone taking part in national climbing competiton, uhh tomorrow! (:

even before that.. was tapestry2006. which was quite a lot of fun, i really wish i had time to help out more. and last sunday we took part in the SMRT challenge! I it was, for the lack of a more appropriate word (or because i only slept 3.5 hours last night and can’t really think now), SUPER FUN(: if you averaged out the timings we were probably like the 11th/12th team. which got us pretty pissed off because the top10 had prizes. haha. and which also left my dear teammates whining/bitching (think: SHAWN TAN) the whole journey home about how we should be the rightful winners of the challenge. though uh we didn’t exactly play by the book either heh xP

oh what a week it been(:

whoa.

2006-07-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

the past few days i've seen things unfolding like a mega motion picture. the type whereby ticket sales hit a record high at the box office. the type where i'll usually eagerly drag a friend downtown to catch.
except this time, i have somehow become the lead lady of the drama.

silly stuff

2006-07-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

publicly posting silly/unglam pictures of myself is really so not me but ohwell. so there my dearest cousin these are the pictures you've asked for since our fateful outing. and yes you are very troublesome! xP

watts in

2006-07-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

surprisingly, this time round the :D mood has managed to hold for quite a bit. and today was :D because there was training! not because of training itself, but more so cos i haven't been involved in batch stuff for quite a while (due mainly to cell-cutting - or so the guys like to put it :/, but it really means like uh my SRP attachment at NUS during the holiday - i'd missed like storewash, the unofficial outing thing, macritchie trng) and i really miss seeing us as a batch. so today felt good even though a considerable number of people did NOT turn up. mel my dearest (haha i keeping using this phrase. sounds nice what) please get well soon! :D ohhh and after trng we ran extra rounds with yingzi so i feel especially proud of myself (:

and on monday (r)achel wong passed me this wristband that they got during the clique outing (which i missed ):) it's DIRRTY YELLOWISH GREEN, and it says WIMP. (!!) but then i realised the other had ones that said total bitch, control freak, antisocial yadayada. i kinda miss the life. though rj has been great, but back in rg we had our share of fun stupid times when we did silly things like pose with straws between our noses and lips. haha. and i miss calling rachel "ah-chel" and sherri "chiamster" and bongs, uh, bongs. though we weren't all that close, and this year we've drifted even further, it kinda comforts to know that there's still this bunch of people you can discuss the "old times" with. so when's our next outing? (:

missing out on bits and pieces of fun has really reinforced the idea that,

in life, you win some, you lose some.
you can't have all at a time.

oh. and on a side note, everyone loved my earrings! yay biaojie are you reading this. and i had conveniently named the shop where i got them as my entry title. it's at fareast.

:D:D:D:D:D

2006-07-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

just can't help but grin
don't come asking why
incomprehensible- this glee
but i somehow feel much joy.
:D:D:D:D:D

if only everyday could be as such.

2006-07-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

and so... it's the start of a new month. my SRP fulltime is over (but haha im not done with the project yet). the CTs are over. we're ushering in the quarters of the WC. time passes too darn fast. like before you can even come to terms with what's happening, before you know it, everything just passes you by. what say you!

hmm i think it'd be right to say that i've pretty much enjoyed myself these 4 days of post-CTs more than anyday during the june hols. besides JEX, of course. but this where it all ends, and the work starts piling up again. cos you know what, school starts again tomorrow. GAHHH NOOOOO i haven't had my fun, really i haven't. ohwell. but weird as it may sound, i feel kinda guilty for the fact that the fun i'm having (or have had, if it really is the case that it all ends here for now) is disproportionate to the amount of effort put into preparing for my CTs. because that 'effort' really wasn't much, this time round. muchly because i haven't had time, but also because i have wasted some time. and i shall end the ranting portion of this entry here, because i can foresee what some people will start to say. things i absolutely detest to hear.

alright, so! post-CTs. after the exco meeting on friday, i lunched with hui at manhattan fish market. pretty good food if you ask me. value for money if you get the weekday set lunch. then we met bongs at marina for shopping. the first time i'm patronizing the malls since the GSS. but i wasn't really prepared for shopping so didn't bring much cash. roamed around for hours and when i finally had to go (for spsb dinner), i still haven't got anything! and the knowing bongs understood perfectly how exasperating it was to not get anything after shopping for hours dragged me into URS and the knowing bongs (again) found me a pair of heels that suited me quite well. (I HATE BUYING SHOES COS MY FEET ARE SO FUGLY.) so i was contented(: then headed to orchard and caught up with spsb for like 30mins, had dinner at scotts and off to james' for sleepover. (i think his room is 2.5 times mine.) watched the germany vs argentina match. okay lar excitement quotient not very high. haha. and i didn't sleep a wink that night so went for flag day feeling groggy and GRR. (germaine inez tan im so so kind right!). was supposed to do supervising with rng at people's park. and the tins came like 1.5 hours late and the secondary school students were getting pretty damnit restless and we both felt quite helpless. 'the van met with an accident' I'M SO SURE. but was quite entertained my rng's caricatures of odacians and me trying to guess who each of them was (supposed to be). went for alumni prac in the afternoon. i think concert this year will be fun! (:

and that day.. i lost my handphone. i have no idea really really absolutely no clue how i could have lost it because i distinctly remembered putting it back into the bag after the last time i used it. sheesh. was pretty annoyed. but thanks shiyun for hunting around with me for it and having to lift up the dustbins haha. but we still didn't find it ):

so i got a new one yesterday. and as a result, burnt a hole in my pocket. got a 7360. yesterday i ran + shopped + swam ! but came down with a very sore throat. yikes. and it got worse today because of all the food i ate. think: murtabak, nasi lemak, fish&chips. sorry i couldn't resist. (but. i am not a pig. :D)

so today! caught just my luck at cine. which was very very very funny. (or maybe because i hadn't watched a show in five months so i kinda lost touch with romantic comedies, but still). then headed down to holland v for odac outing! at settler's cafe. haha it's quite a cool place actually. with interesting board games that can get us pretty high. and i like holland v!

phew what a long entry. and my throat is dying.

in life, we can never do without friends

2006-06-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

but we can always do with more friends (:

yours truly is in a good mood today, because she feels loved! thanks to all the concerned who had been asking about how i've been. well in truth i hadn't been that sad, really. just a little jaded, sianed, urghed, coupled with the post-ex depression syndrome we're all suffering from.. and not wanting to miss out on all the fun, a bit of everything added up resulted in this (fill-in-the-blank) i guess. sorry to have made you all worried (if i had).

thanks gavan for your sms and mel for the call yesterday. and mel! haha woman i haven't been really able to catch up with you much, until yesterday.. we're such nosey bitches, the things we talk about. heh (: but you really made me feel a whole lot better, especially since your call came as much of a surprise. and you'd better keep me constantly updated about your exciting life :D

thanks gerald; your endless suaning never fails to anger and amuse me simultaneously, which is good i hope. haha but really really thanks for your attempts, albeit very tough ones i think, to cheer me up and for letting/listening to me rant and whine and complain and sigh. although i'm not fat nor do i have puffy cheeks by the way.

thanks james for bearing with my disgusting schedule and perpetually telling me "don't stress!" and having to postpone storecheck (which i know you had wanted to get over and done with since forever). it's always because of me. i'm really really sorry. but still thanks for everything! QM uncle is the best (:

something interesting happened today too. for the first time i decided to put away my notes on the mrt and attempted, instead to make a list of "what i wanna do after the commons". and first up was, 'island creamery with wen and hui!'
then this came via sms,
Kelly! I suddenly miss you a lot hehe, rmbr to tell me when you're (finally) free then we'll go for ice cream okay :) see you when school starts <3 -Wenxin

wow are we telepathic or what. and therefore kelly is a happy girl today (:
think this must be the longest post by far.

the blues

2006-06-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

reading those thankyou messages
i just can't help these tears
missing paddles and tentages
depression overwhelms, coupled with fear

JEX 2006

2006-06-11T02:06:00.000+08:00

it's too surreal to actually feel home after many days under the sun. and so just a few hours ago, the group of us-hungry, exhausted (in both physical and mental terms) but nonetheless spirited and hyped up odac22-ians ushered in the conclusion of this year's june expedition.
the entire experience was fun-filled, eventful, memorable, happening.. well, worth so much more to be summed up by just these mere adjectives.

the never-ending bus rides to and fro

fighting the waves, bobbing up-down at sea

perpetual song-singing highs that knitted us close

underwater beauty so tranquil, so serene

tenggol island; pretty midnight stars in the moonlight

the magnificent waterfall and our descent in the storm

sandflies, leeches and other bugs alike

the screwedup guys and their jokes so wrong

tight time schedules, a few pep talks

funny moments that induce roaring laughter

stressful times accounting group log

heart-to-heart chats with a few others

lousy gadgets that broke down throughout

burst hydropack, sunblock and lamps

out-of-the-blue moments we never do without

e.g. naming ourselves kiampas for random's sake

forgetting all these i never would

cos there's so much i have learnt from one and from all

overcoming what we never knew we could

and in fact achieving more than ever before

there's so much more i want to say about so many things, to so many people... and i could just go on and on forever more, but whatever the need, when everything is written in our hearts? afterall,

you say it best, when you say nothing at all

and as i look to a fortnight of labwork and mugging otherwise, the post-jex blues seem here to stay. missing everybody right here right now-i wish we could do this all over again.

RANT.

2006-05-27T00:30:00.000+08:00

i solemnly swear to stop thinking wishful thoughts and get on with life (:
which wouldn't be much, in this june holiday. with practically every weekday packed full-time, i effectively have only weekends left to revise for the upcoming commons. the first of which has already been blocked out by CCAL camp. and in order for this to work out, i have to give up quality time with friends, chilling out or just slacking around.
so much for a supposed break.

okay i realised that ranting isn't helping.

scorpio (oct 24 - nov 21)

2006-05-24T10:06:00.000+08:00

the day's horoscope reads:
"Better attitudes lead to better choices. Better choices lead to better results, especially when it comes to love and money. Could it be that you are already wealthy and beloved in all the ways that truly count?"

so little time, so much to do

2006-05-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

i want to honour you
but i am selfish too -
am not ready to give up
on what i wanna do.

your expectations, my desires,
so, so much to handle
but i'll take them all
from here. and won't let myself fall.

cos suddenly, i miss it so.

2006-05-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

everyone psyched up despite the 12-hr thereabout flight

and indeed we were (:

who cared about the marsh
it was the fun of getting dirty together

that's 303'2005 in the quadrat

where we sat daily
in the unearthly hours of dawn
counting sheep in the greens across

we took the smallest bunk in dale fort
but also proved to be the most efficient (:

BATH- the city so quaint. i really thought we could have stayed longer.
(i mean, one hour??)

the spectacular eye

the sunset across london bridge; at the end of it all
and i recall running back to the hotel, worrying about the curfew
(but we screwed it anyway.)

Raffles UK Jun'2004 <3

---

often i look to the past
hoping, wishing, life then would last
cos before this the days were happier
the sky was blue and the birds chirped merry.

nostalgic gales follow with downpours
blowing the petals, making them fall.
yet i think to myself,
what a wonderful world.

---

P/S: And then i thought of you too, friend
That wherever you are now,
I hope life has been good.
Maybe down the road, one day
We will meet again. Till then, take care.

it will never end

2006-05-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

every day or two
the world turns oh-so-blue
i cry these tender tears
wishing you were near