I hate driving.

I have been taking lessons for many many months. More than what a typical person would have done to pass. But I still suck at it. And I still feel that every lesson is an ordeal, that must be undergone with so much effort. Physically, emotionally, mentally, just every sense of that word essentially. 90% of the many many lessons I have taken thus far was a bad experience, either from bad feedback or horrible demonstration of skills (lack thereof, rather) or near accidents and perhaps a third of the many many lessons ended in tears. I do not deny his competency as a driving instructor and I shall just say that his teaching and my learning styles simply clash head-on.

The test (2 times postponed) is supposed to be next Thursday but I don't know what to do now. Have a pressing urge to just stop right now. Then I can have the next week free of all these worries and my life back to normal again. For the past many many months, these lessons had really taken a toll on my life. My money, my TIME (amidst the many other commitments, even during the exam period I had to rush to and fro NUS and cdc), my emotional well-being. It sounds really ridiculous but it's true. The extent of stress I had to go through before and after each lesson really kills me. But then at this point now, there is the issue of sunk cost. I have already spent so much...

And to think I really do NOT want to drive very badly at all. Only took it up cos my mom wanted me to. I should stop this "doing things to make people happy" routine. Cos more often than not I end up torturing myself. I hate driving THIS MUCH.

"Your worth is in Christ, not in achievement." - Miss Pang's wise words for me today.