2006-2007

touched down at about 0530hrs local time, when the last sunrise of the year awaits. feels good to feel the warmth of the sun (though i heard there were quite some downpours these few days) and smell the grass! russia was, i wouldnt say fantastic-i mean, you guys definitely had a hell lot more fun partying when i was there, but then again it was a good experience(:
was so excited when i realised there was post for me! amongst them many were christmas cards.. which were quite a nice read. sorry to have to express late thanks, guys(: yeah and although i have a truckload of things to do, amongst which include reading the past 10 days of newspapers, staring at the pile of holiday homework which im not intending to lay my hands on, i thought it would be good for me to look back upon the passing year before it becomes history. and especially so because this year is/was marked by certain rather significant happenings. but that's not to say the others weren't.
but it being my first year in junior college, and many other first times! well like first time kayaking 32km in the open seas, first time battling the subject of Economics (which had steadily grew to be the bane of my jc life), first time running a 10k mini marathon like thing.. actually i started off this post with an intent to not list any examples because i know if i start i'd go on and on and on. because so so many things happened, this year. anyway, so apart from first times, it was also a year i had been forced to make choices, and obliged to deal with both the positive and negative consequences, the year i opened up and loosened up (believe me it was a whole lot worse before) so much, the year i learnt to be more observant and thereafter more empathetic of the people around me and more aware of my surroundings, the year i attempted to genuinely accept myself, and people in general, for who they really are, the year that had seen many of my emotional upheavals in relationships with family and friends, and also probably the year when the most number of new people entered my life. but that's only the good part. this year, there were/are also many arenas in which my personality, character, and performance deteriorated. some minor, some major, but all calls for improvement in the year ahead.
so in 2 words, the year had been: dramatic. learning.
and so i've decided to do away with the flowery language and abstract metaphors in my summing up of the year 2006, by approaching it in the most direct manner-takeaways of the year. and the following would be,


the 10 most important things i have learnt this year:
1 it never hurts to learn more. in fact, that's the only way you can continue to grow. physically, emotionally and intellectually. ignorance is bliss
2 making choices is hard. choosing wisely is harder. but once you've chosen, believe in it and don't look back.
3 indeed it is crime to watch hopelessly while letting time slip away, but in everyday life, you cannot rush through time either. sometimes in slowing down our steps a little, we see a whole new world opened up in front of us, one we'd never have seen if we hadn't bothered to pause.
4 everybody is different.
5 suicide, or intentionally causing yourself harm in any way, is probably the most selfish act that may be committed. self-content, and love for yourself, is important.
6 so is giving chances. to yourself, if 10 tries aren't sufficient, give it 100 shots, but go easy on yourself, just be patient and perserverant; and to others, those that committed wrong should be given a chance to change themselves, those that committed no wrong should be aided and helped.
7 forgiving is essential for moving on in life. blame
8 as they say, change is the only constant in life. so the need for appreciation and showing appreciation.
9 discovering your passions give you a reason to live.
10 not everything can be within your control. so when the time comes, you should learn to let go

some food for thought from me(: unfortunately "what i have learnt" doesn't mean i have already incorporated them inside me, perhaps i'm still learning how to.
best regards for the year ahead, you all(:

see you in 10

the flight's been delayed for 50 minutes! waaah so i shall make good use of the free internet(: anyway, for anybody who gives a damn, i'm flying off to Russia tonight (22nd) and will only be back on the last day of the year! just in time for the new year countdown hahah. spending christmas away from home too. seems like i'll be missing quite a lot of partying.. so everybody have fun, and enjoy while i'm freezing my ass off over there (it's sub zero goshh).
the past week has been.. uhhh a lot of late nights. cos i only commenced making my christmas cards on wednesday. hehh but they turned out quite oookay. don't know why i spent time making cards though. haha lately i've been quite on about handmade stuff. so those of you who receive one from me, be honoured! and for those who don't.. i'm sorry i missed you out but you know i still love you(: so,
HERE'S WISHING EVERYBODY A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
today was also the last day of my I2R attachment. i can't even begin to describe my joy when i stepped out of that place. ohoh! and today we had a surprise birthday celebration for gina! which was a success. haha gosh group3 is damn cool la. yay i love surprises.
okay shall head towards the gate already. it's gonna be a looong flight. 15 hours! alrighties take care you all and do miss me(: (hahah as if)

random thoughts.

1.04 p.m.

The past few days can be surmised as, uh, ‘déjà vu overload’. But in the sense that these experiences really did happen, so they don’t really count as déjà vu. Wait. Before you get even more confused;

I had my weird tasting but homely tomato pasta, which I haven’t had in more than a month. Cos the holidays had been so hectic. Everyday is packed with activities, first I’m working, then I go overseas, then I have attachment; sometimes I don’t have time to go home for dinner, other times, I just don’t want to.

But then I didn’t realize I miss home cooked food (and the homely feeling) so much.

Until last Friday when I went to biaojie’s house, where my mom and aunt prepared dinner. And mom cooked her spicy-sour soup/broth (which we affectionately termed 假鱼翅, i.e. pseudo shark’s fin), which she hadn’t cooked in, uh, more than a year. It was just a simple meal, we didn’t even eat together because everyone came at different times after work/attachment/whatevers. But I was reminded of what we used to do, when life wasn’t so busy and jam packed. That night I ate in front of the TV (the last time I did that was probably in lower Sec), and actually sat through an entire episode of a Chinese drama serial. Whoa the last time I did that would be…I really cannot remember. Haven’t watched TV in more than a year.

(Funny how it should be on a Friday too. I remember when I was 7-8 years of age, I used to visit my biaojie without fail every Friday.)

Then yesterday. (Yesterday was hell of a shit day, I really don’t know how it progressed from okay to bad to worse until right before dinner time concluding in me hating myself so damn freaking badly, thankfully after that it was fine). Only the dinner-and-thereafter segment of yesterday was decent. In fact yesterday’s dinner, for once in a really really long while, felt like the old times again; when my brother talked more and my father joked. The laughter evoked warmth admist the rain. (and yes it rained for the entire day, what the hell).

We even started reminiscing aloud; mostly I was teasing my brother. About the time he hid a basketball in his puny bag cos mom wouldn’t allow him to bring it to school and play; and the time he refrigerated a storybook because he didn’t want to be caught reading when he was supposed to be doing work (and mom was coming upstairs and there was not enough time to hide the book elsewhere)…

Well if only it could be this way every Sunday.
Yeah so this is what I meant.
---
1.30 p.m.

在我身边的大家，你们当中有谁能确确实实的说，自己清楚生活的意义是什么、在生命的最终要达到什么？现在的忙忙碌碌是为了什么 --- 心里有锁定目标了吗？ 还是只不过盲目跟风，这一阵“来匆匆、去匆匆”的风。

今天晨跑时无意听见两个陌生人的对话 – 有关于。。。aiyah详细内容是极不清了，但一个字：
钱。
岂不是？在我们生活的社会了，每时每刻，不论你在哪个角落，人与人的对话也好，新闻报道也好，都离不开钱。工作人士比较薪金，阿嫂们直冲大减价，还频频与档主杀价。现代人如此讲究物质生活，无可否定，钱是必需品。但难道没有比它更重要的事物吗？每天忙碌本坡度是为了赚钱，甚至直到不分昼夜、废寝忘食。有这个必要吗？

这样子的人生，快乐吗？

还是，快乐已经成了次要？

前阵子在报章上读到吴庆康的一篇文章，让我印象深刻。他把在旅行时遇见的porter当例子,让落后国家的人与发展国家作比较，相比之下，谁比较幸福？答案看似明显，其实不然。或许我们看他们生活潦倒,家境贫困,难免掀起同情之心。但，可曾想过，他们少了金银珠宝，却也多了几分无忧无虑。不像我们一心只想赚钱，他们的顾虑少,负担轻,过得更轻松自在。

谁说他们需要怜悯？ 也许他们比我们过的还要幸福。
---
2.13 p.m.
Sometimes, when you expect a good day, it can turn out to be like, shit.
On the contrary, sometimes when nothing seems to be going right, it still ends on a relatively good note. That is, when you bother to think back on the day.

Like last Sunday, Kevin wanted to bowl so badly after breakfast and I agreed to accompany him, but then there had to be such a long queue at our breakfast venue (we had this overnight stay at intercontinental) and we only finished breakfast at around lunch. I couldn’t be late for my bouldering date with yingzi. So we didn’t bowl.

So off I went to SAFRA. Only to realize, after traveling all the way to Yishun and compromising bowling that the rockclimbing tower is closed due to SAFRA adventura. We were L, but not for long. Not wanting to make it a wasted trip Wanting to make our trip seem less wasted, and suddenly remembering there were Odacians participating in the race, we decided to show them some moral support. Wanted to make a placard, which we didn’t in the end- but we bought them drinks! Lol what nice friends we are.

And then, again I had to rush to Serene Centre for island creamery outing with biaojie. And I was late for half an hour, plus my phone ran out of battery so I was uncontactable. Felt really bad. It was raining very heavily when we reached the bus stop. We got tired of waiting for it to stop, so walked to Serene while it poured. And entered looking like 2 fools (I was reminded of the time Jean and I went to Armani@Hilton, 2 rj students drenched in our uniforms, to get her catalogue for our ‘project’ haha). And then the rain stopped. Admist our cursing we laughed it off. And we shared like $20++ worth of desserts. Mud pie, chocolate sundae, baked Eskimo. I love pigging out with people who are willing to uhh indulge and heck about the calories J

And so I didn’t get to bowl, didn’t get to boulder, was drenched in the rain, but it turned out not so bad after all.

As compared to yesterday…yesterday was SHIT.
---
Sometime back I chanced upon I-can’t-remember-who’s blog, and now someone else posted this up too(:

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he
cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

I just thought it is really sweet. In a tongue-in-cheek kind of way.

weird but homely tomato pasta

yeah mom's tomato pasta. weird but tastes like home. can't remember when was the last i had it, before tonight. been so long since i had dinner at home.. kinda feels like the pre-promo days. when i mugged till late at night but still went home to have dinner at 10 (part to save money, but part to savour home-cooked food after a tiring day. which essentially was every day during that period). only now it's because my holidays had been so jam packed.

first it was a lot of shopping (to me at least. retail therapy is good but unlike most girls i don't really consider shopping an essential for life) and going out with friends, then working at Conrad (i miss jasmine!), then it was odac22's year end expedition to australia which i have since recovered from the blues but the special memories i will always hold close to my heart, for future reminiscent; which i am still in the process of neatening and tidying up my journal; which there were several occurences that i am still constantly reminded of, and still reflecting upon...those were a great memorable spectacularly lovely and insigightful, well-spent 12 days (thats rolling all the adjectives into one), then after coming back to singapore was attending several gatherings with new friends and old, finally getting more involved in my role as a highfiver (with fellow sgrockers), and commencement of my a*star attachment at I2R (institute for infocomm research) which has since proven to be extremely unproductive and exceedingly boring, then the past week i'd also met up with my cousins which spelt a lot of pigging out and gaining all the weight i'd lost, and more, from eoy ex, and going back to school a coupla times to settle odac stuff, and admist all these there was a lot of reflecting about yesterday and thinking about tomorrow and very often not coming to any conclusion. ohwell. and just this mon-tue there was ad jam, and then now attachment continues till next fri, before i fly off to russia and dubai, and will only return on the last day of the year.

in time for the annual countdown to usher in 2007. which i both anticipate and dread.

and i have such a long list of things to do in so little time! proposals, reports, presents, send out christmas cards, start studying for SAT, start doing my holiday homework, and whatnot. so much to do, so little time.

and this year is coming to an end..need to set aside time for my reflection and summing up of this ummmm for now i'd say exciting year for me, and make new year resolutions! hahah. but before that, christmas is in about 12 days! won't be spending it in singapore..but i love christmas (:

yeahh and in case i do not update before then,
have yourself a merry little christmas