dreams

and so, the promos have come and gone- actually i shouldn't be entitled to say that yet, since biology is a cursed subject and therefore while everyone has finished their papers, we sad followers of Mendel and Watson&Crick still have to sit for one paper on Monday. but still, the worst is over! yay(:
and because i don't see the point-just like i don't see the point in frantically checking answers with the rest immediately after the papers when there's nothing you can do about it and if you realise you'd made mistakes you're basically just screwing your own mood up-i shall not talk about promos(:
so, i went out yesterday! for the first time in goodnessknowshowlong. out as in shopping-have-fun out, not need-to-get-this-done-quick-and-go-home-to-mug out. i'm not intending to give bio up, it's just that the prospect of having the weekend ahead to prepare was too too tempting and because i'd been cooped up for so darn long, just needed to take a break..
little miss sunshine was a good show-and everyone should watch it! yepyep. both in terms of acting and storyline..i thought abigail breslin was so cute! hmm can't remember when was the last time i watched such a meaningful movie. i really liked the message embedded behind all that wit, about going all out to achieve your dreams, no matter how ambitious they may sound, how faraway they may be. which brings to mind this, that i wrote today while taking a break from the cells...

或许现在还看不见
但若不懈迈进，持之以恒，
七色彩虹，广阔草原，蔚蓝的天空
终究会出现。
不要慌张，不要害怕
小心翼翼
一步一步
便会走到。
人生是无止境的，漫长的
但
漆黑的道路，会越走越亮；
梦离现实，将越来越近。

i miss writing. but my chinese is like how pokai now haven't written a word of chinese for i don't know how long. which is saddening cos i used to enjoy writing. a little. but now.. quite disappointed about the lack of sincerity in the little excerpt i wrote today. just.. something missing. i remembered when i went back to rgs during teachers day just one month ago, met tanglaoshi and talked for a bit. and she asked if i was still writing.. she told me that i shouldn't give up on writing! hmm. i guess for me, writing was more of a way to seek solace, and to reflect. ahwell. now that i have the time, i will(:
okay i promised myself not to sleep too late tonight. so i'm off!

i hate promos

in the past 24 hours, i have:
1.had a nightmare
2.woke up in sweat
3.ran
4.thought about what i wanna do after promos
5."happy birthday james"
6.attempted to study
7.panicked
8.panicked even more
9.thought about this year thus far
10.cried
11.talked to mom
12.starved
13.ate
okay i think as it goes on the items on the list becomes more irrelevant. but basically i didn't really study today. which is a good thing i guess.
actually i think im not so much stressed but more.. uh okay correct that I AM STRESSED (verymuch in fact), but it's also because my stamina's stretched to its max. like i was wondering to myself today, when was the last time i watched a tv show? when was the last time i read a book for leisure? this is not to say that i started mugging way early before everyone (hell no haha), but that time was spent satisfying other commitments. seems like 2006 has been a really busy year. all the way it had been and it's not gonna stop, not even after the promos. sometimes i like it that life is busy and purposeful. but then sometimes i wonder if there's really a purpose to all these. and lately, i have been wanting and yearning to go back to how life was like before all these. but i don't know when that would be.
on another note. i have convinced myself that the medicine i was given by the doctor came with some wide side effects upon consumption which probably included memory loss that's why i forgot so many things that i have revised/memorised ever since i started taking them. which was what caused me to panic. and they probably also induced my 5 nightmares in a row too.
anyhow. it's a few hours before promos. so good luck to everybody. brace yourselves and hang in there it's gonna be over soon!

ceteris paribus, not

in life, there will always come some point or other - actually, more points than others - when we have to deal with something called 'change'. i used to despise change. i yearned for a life that was stable, unchanging; i wanted to maintain the status quo.
but then i realised how uninteresting life would be without change. in fact, what life would there be? change may be in the form of something, someone, emotions, thoughts. it may be for the better, or for worse. in any case, it is inevitable. as i grow i have come to terms with change, to not fear or hide from it, but to accept, and even welcome change.
change makes me learn. to let go, to accept, to close doors and open new ones. i like change.
hm, life is so fleeting, can anything actually be forever?
on another note, here's something i wrote yesterday when waves of nostalgia swept over me..
Playful children have this sparkle in their eyes
These days I keep seeing such sparks;
They fly by me,
I want to turn back, but I can't.

I miss it, then
Running around catching 'thieves'
Penmanship writing without thinking
The fifty-cent laksa I never had enough
Kicking waterbottles - we really did have fun

Sigh, life is good now
But, still!

alrighties timeout! (: